I mean, it all really sucks, but I hate how I’ll be going about my business for days or weeks at a time, thinking I’m going pretty well - exercising, sleeping right, not drinking too much and eating pretty well.
Then all of a sudden one day I’ll have a moment of clarity, where for like half an hour I feel like my head is clear, less fuzzy, like I have more energy and motivation. And I realise I’ve been doing all that stuff through a wall of treacle, and I’m like “fuck, is this how you’re meant to feel all the time?”.
It’s like a glimpse through the veil that makes me realise half the time I’m actually depressed even though i don’t really notice because it’s the baseline lol.