Then check out our brand new Bible translation at Conservapedia.org!

There is no other fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:

  1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias. For example, the Living Bible translation has liberal evolutionary bias: the widely used NIV translation has a pro-abortion bias.
  2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other feminist distortions; preserve many references to the unborn child (the NIV deletes these).
  3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level.
  4. Utilize Terms that better capture original intent: using powerful new conservative terms to capture better the original intent; Defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words that have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle". Use powerful mathematical concepts such as "infinite" to convey true meaning, as the number of angels mentioned at Hebrews 12:22.
  5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
  6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
  7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
  8. Exclude Later-Inserted Inauthentic Passages: excluding the interpolated passages that liberals commonly put their own spin on, such as the adulteress story
  9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
  10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities.

Here are helpful approaches to creating a conservative Bible translation:

  • identify faulty pro-liberal terms used in existing Bible translations, such as "government", and suggest more accurate substitutes
    • p_sharikov [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      edit-2
      3 years ago

      We really do seem to be trapped in some sort of recurrent nightmare where each iteration is slightly stupider than the last. I'm so sad that mathematicians don't get in arguments with the Pope because they accidentally disproved an important piece of doctrine anymore.

      Edit: Wait, maybe you lathed this into existence. Does the lathe work on the past now too? :thinkin-lenin:

      • VernetheJules [they/them]
        ·
        edit-2
        3 years ago

        Does the lathe work on the past now too?

        Oh shit my bad I had mine running in reverse but I think you might be on to something: I bet the Simpsons exists as a temporal firewall to stop this from happening irl, hence why "the Simpsons did it" seems to apply in most cases