Basically the title. But for context:
I have AvPD, Avoidant Personality Disorder. I know I'm not the only hexbear who suffers from this, as it's been discussed here and mentioned a few times. It's pretty severe in my case, enough that the psychologist I am able to see (at a low-income clinic that accepts my state's version of medicaid) has been strongly suggesting that I apply for disability. And without going into detail, I don't know how I'm going to survive in the looming, relatively near future without aid. (I'm already on SNAP aka foodstamps and really struggling). So I applied for SSI. I have my first means-testing meeting this week. It will just be over the phone, but they say to have at least 2 hours of time for the interrogation. I'm deeply dreading it, and figured it couldn't hurt to see if anyone here maybe had some advice. I know I will be denied at first, that denial on the first attempt is a given for literally everyone since they want to weed out people who "aren't serious" about needing help. I know I'll have to reapply and appeal probably a few times and even then it's not exactly likely, especially since I'm applying with a psychological problem rather than physical. I do have some physical problems too, but they are secondary.
So... is there anything a person should know going in? Does anyone have experiences with the process that they'd care to share? Or hell, even just thoughts on how fucked up the whole thing is.
I'll just put this in the comments rather than editing the OP and making it even longer. One thing that really pissed me off (though it didn't surprise me) was something the lawyer I consulted told me. Basically I have to be very careful now and censor what I tell my psychologist. He (the lawyer) did not like the fact that I had recently informed my therapist that I had been drinking at night to cope with hellworld. I was informed that the means-testers will be reading over all my doctors notes, including any psychologist or psychiatrists I've seen, looking for reasons to disqualify me. And alcohol use is plenty reason enough. So much for doctor-patient confidentiality (which I know is a complete joke in a country where healthcare is privatized). I made sure to tell my psychologist the following week I was not drinking anymore. If I do have any alcohol in the future, I can't tell the only person I could really talk to about it anyway. :agony-acid:
yeah, the means testing and stuff--for minimal benefits, no less--is so gross.
Sigh. Yeah, it's looking like it's going to be a long and uncertain process. Do you mind if I ask if you ended up being successful? Are you still trying to get on?
I did talk to a lawyer before hand, but he said he only gets involved after the first denial. I'm supposed to send him the rejection letter and that's when he gets started on things. So that's what I'll be doing. Thanks for the advice.
Sorry to hear that comrade. Though I'm glad you were able to find a way to sustain yourself.
Also, if you don't mind... What kind of questions do they specifically ask? Is it just "explain your situation and provide these listed details" or do they ask you to go through and describe a a typical day? I mean I know they'll be asking about medical history stuff, but what the hell kind of questions are they going to be asking that I need to have 2 hours clear for the interview?
I'm so sorry you had to go through that disgusting degrading shit, especially since you never even got anything for all of it. Fucking enraging. It's all part of the plan of course. They'd rather people just become homeless and destitute as an example of what happens to people who won't (or in this case can't) be wage slaves and serve capital, rather than give them FREE MONEY. Since they can't yet outright abolish the tiny joke of a social safety net, they'll make it next to impossible to actually get any benefit from it.
I'm not looking forward to it to say the least, and it's looking like it will take a few years before I get anything if I get anything.
Thanks for your input comrade. And again, my condolences to you. As well as solidarity.
I had a partner who was applying for disability with moderate impairment. She had Heart and joint problems from a genetic disorder. The rejected her at first out of hand, and end the end found a disability lawyer to evaluate her case and help her. That does seem to be pretty much required in my area but I dunno about what state you are in.
I take it she was successful in getting it after hiring the lawyer? I would really hope so. I actually did talk to a disability lawyer (free phone consult) right before applying. He told me that he thought I had a decent chance of getting it, but apparently the way it works is that he only gets involved after the first rejection. So at this early point, he's not much help. Like you said, he also told me that having a lawyer is a necessity for navigating the ridiculously bureaucratic process. I was a little bit skeptical, considering I was being told by a lawyer that I needed a lawyer... but it looks like that is in fact the case.
I'm in California. Thanks for the response.
I don't have any advice or experience with this, but sending love and solidarity to you, comrade :stalin-heart:
I hope it goes well and that the dehumanizing aspects of it are minimal and easy to cope with. Sorry that this fucked up, rotten country is making you jump through so many shitty hoops to get some amount of the support you need.
Thank you so much, comrade. It genuinely does mean a lot to me. I don't mean to get all cornball, but I don't have many people left in my life anymore, so your compassion, empathy, and solidarity really are taken to heart and appreciated. Those are things that are becoming increasingly hard to come by. I'm always happy when I see it expressed here, like a little oasis where the toxic individualism and atomization are still fought against. So yeah... thank you.
As someone who does not have personal experience or expertise, I can suggest one generic thing: prepare and bring documentation and organize it so that you can grab the chunk of it you need during the interview. I feel like clearly presenting evidence and your case + some examples where you clearly qualify per the law, in writing, is at least valuable if/when you need to appeal.
And for me, at least, writing up a document helps me have clarity of thought even if I don't show the document to anyone or if nobody but me cares about the document. The process will make me realize that there are things I would've otherwise forgotten, or things that I should emphasize more than others, or an angle that I should take that I wouldn't have seen otherwise.
Also, I do know that, like others have said, the process is means tested and the first round(s) can be capricious, so it may help to think of it as a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" kind of thing. A rejection would suck no matter what, but it sucks even more if you aren't in a situation to handle it. Basically, give yourself permission to have a couple bad days / days focused on things that make you happy. And prepared to blame the right things, if that's where your mind goes: means-tested liberal horseshit and unacceptable working conditions. Easier said than done, I know, but it's about all the solidarity I can give over the internet, ha. You're not alone in this, people go through it all the time and they, just like you, deserve the support.
Thanks for the good advice. It's actually one of the things I think is going to screw me: the lack of documentation on a lot of this stuff. I feel totally unprepared and am scrambling to find even the most basic documentation they're requesting. A lot of it was actually lost when I had to evacuate due to fire, but also having AvPD means I have a big problem keeping track of things like that.
And yeah, I completely expect to be denied. It's a flat given. The lawyer I spoke to said it will probably take a couple of years of repeating this process before I see any results. If I see any results. I'm not dreading the rejection itself at all really, I'm dreading having to do this meeting, and knowing I'm going to fuck it up, knowing I'm not going to know what to say, forget everything, etc. So that's excellent advice to write it out. I will work on that. Wish I had more than just a day to do it. But that really is my own goddamn fault. I hardcore procrastinate on everything that looks daunting (which is an aspect of the "avoidance" part of AvPD).
As well as the advice, your solidarity and kindness are deeply appreciated.
Do you take any medication for your anxiety, such as Valium? If so, I might suggest taking some to help with the interview, informing the interviewer that you had to take medication at the direction of your doctor in order to manage the interview, and then use that as an excuse (while being friendly and apologetic) for being largely nonresponsive and terse during the interview.
Ask them to repeat themselves frequently, make clear that you're having trouble focusing and keeping your composure during the interview.
Be friendly, polite, and even apologetic at all times. But just make clear that the interview itself is very demanding for you, and it's a good example of why you need to be on disability in the first place.
Also, make sure you're familiar with the guidelines for disability for anxiety disorders. https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/12.00-MentalDisorders-Adult.htm#12_06
That all sounds like really good advice. I will be following it, and honestly much of it won't have to be an act.
As for valium... well, forgive me if this is TMI, but one of the main reasons I am disabled is a result of benzodiazpines. Unfortunately, I relied on them heavily for years. It's a little bit ironic actually, your suggestion. See, I used them to work a job that required daily public speaking. And then I also needed them in order to sleep. After years of increasing use I knew I needed to quit. Went through the whole terrible withdrawal thing. It's one of the biggest factors that fucked me up to the point of disability. Had a few seizures and still have peripheral neuropathy as a result. I haven't been able to work since, going on 3 years now, hence the need for SSI. But anyway, that's an excellent idea, telling them I had ask my doctor for meds specifically for the interview. Unfortunately, I don't think there's enough time to actually do that (make a doctors appointment and get a script for additional anxiety meds), but I'll see what I can do. I do still take some medication that helps with anxiety and pain. Thanks for the link too.
Also, I think that's a great thing to bring up in the interview. Say that medication makes these things semi-manageable, but it's well documented that these medications can be dangerous and don't work as a long term solutions, which is exactly why you need to go on disability. Abusing medication obviously wouldn't be a safe or reasonable adaptation to make work possible. There aren't really a lot of good options that consistently work for severe anxiety.
I think that gives you a clear thesis to drive the discussion and make it easier for the interviewer. This is my disability. This what I've tried. This is why it didn't work and why there aren't other options. Therefore, this is why I'm forced to go on disability, and I'm not happier about it than anyone else--I wish I could work normally.
I actually understand this all too well. Severe anxiety was part of why I left my last job. Effexor is working for me now, but I get that medicines don't work for everyone. and it was a long road to get to where I am.
Yes. Yes, you are phrasing really well a lot of things I know I need to get across to them. It's very helpful and very appreciated. And I do plan to tell them all about relying on a drug that wrecked me so that I could work. Unfortunately, almost all of my benzodiazepine use was illicit and therefore undocumented. (But hey I guess if they really are looking over my therapists notes as the lawyer says, they'll know it's true).
I'm sorry that you also know the suffering of dealing with severe and chronic anxiety. It's one of those things that (understandably) is really difficult for people who haven't experienced it to comprehend. My condolences to you for being one of the ones who knows it. But that's awesome you found something that worked for you! I've actually considered Effexor but I have tried a number of SSRI/SNRI's, and never found them effective. Though it's been well over a decade since I last tried one.
For effexor, it was definitely tough pushing through at the beginning. I did NOT like how it made me feel for the first two weeks, and it actually took me two tries. I tried it for like three days, told my psychiatrist I couldn't do it, and then a couple months later, said "I'm desperate for relief from my anxiety, let's try the Effexor again (since it has the best profile for my needs, on paper.)" The second time around, I was able to push through. And now it's good. But for me, I really can't take anything that's not prescribed, or I get anxious again. So, for me, no alcohol or cbd. (Though I do take other prescription meds.) But everyone is different, of course.
I will say, I would not mention any illegal drug use, personally, because I think these people tend to be strongly prejudiced against it (the government, generally speaking, hates "drug users".) I would focus on just the legal use. You could say "benzodiazapenes did work for me, but my doctor is unable to safely prescribe them on a regular basis because of medical guidelines on dosing and frequency for such dangerous medications. so there aren't therapies that would enable me to work enough hours to hold down a job or make enough money to exceed the threshold for disability." and come at from that angle. or you could sort of just address it in passing and focus on other stuff.
Yeah the SS(N)RI's I tried didn't seem to have any real positive effect just a load of shitty side effects. And maybe I need to give it all up, but non-prescribed substances are still a massive help to me. Alcohol is shit, and I know I should just not use it. But ketamine-like dissociatives and occasional psychedelics are like a saving grace, a bright spot in an otherwise dark world (maybe that's melodramatic, but the gist is true). If I could be guaranteed I'd be truly anxiety-free, I would sadly but surely give all those up and go on whatever prescription. But I am loathe to lose those beneficial trips for the sake of yet another drug that doesn't work beyond placebo and fucks with me in other ways. My psychiatrist has suggested lithium for me, and I might try that, but it would make any psychedelic dangerous and therefore out of the question. So yeah, I'm still trying to sort out the best path. I know lots of meds would look good to the fucking means testers too. I am already prescribed gabapentin and buprenorphine (suboxone et al) with ambien for as-needed use.
See, I would totally agree with that about not telling them. My instinct would be to leave out the illicit stuff except for the former benzodiazepine use, just because I stopped using that in early 2019 and it's such a huge part of the story. Like I said, the withdrawal really fucked me up. And it's all there in my therapists notes anyway. (I started seeing her because I was suicidal after months of withdrawal). But yeah, I would leave out the other stuff. But here's the thing... that lawyer told me to actually be totally honest. To tell them about all of it. It surprised me too, and I wish I had had the wherewithal at the time to further question him on that. So I don't know.
Oh. I would definitely listen to the lawyer then. That surprises me too, but I would 100% trust your lawyer and defer to them. Lawyers will pretty much always give you sincere best advice, as the law gives them maximum incentives and protection to actually look out for the best interests of their clients.
And maybe the balance is to clearly frame the drug use as a result of your disability, not a cause of your disability. Your disability incapacitates you, and the drug use is a well-intentioned attempt to self-help.
I hope the lawyer is right. And I will follow his advice, but I can't help but tread lightly with some of it. I wonder how much the first one really matters anyway, since I'm 100% going to get denied.
As for the second half of your comment. Yep. I think you're right on. That's probably the best tack to take. It also happens to be completely true.
I appreciate you taking the time to talk this stuff through with me.
of course. yeah, and not telling you to lie or fake it. more like--suppress the years of training you've been doing to mask your disability. good luck comrade!!
