Oh yes, sometimes I even have intrusive thoughts with vivid images of mutilating myself, even though I'm not having any sort of self-harm ideation these days. I came to a similar conclusion - that my brain was trying to distract me from the painful shame sensation with the strongest thing it could think up. Thank you for the thread, I was really surprised to see how many people responded and could relate to this! It's definitely the sort of thing that can make you feel crazy.