Seriously though my god, why do I have to literally make everything an existential crisis to absolutely resolve until not a shred of repression and ill-thought exists?
Sometimes it feels like I'm living Herman Hesse's Siddhartha...ugh
Homie no. You still have to do that for each and every iteration of society throughout human history. Because once you understand the conditions of the present moment, the only thing left to do is compare them to the conditions of past moments to gain better insight into how the changing conditions shape the world we inhabit. So strap in because [civilization of your choice, usually ancient Rome] has just as much depth to their religion, politics, climate, family, sexuality, gender, etc as we do today and its all an interesting read for its own sake.
Honestly I think I already did that before my transssssss realization... Unless you're telling me I have to find ANOTHER ancient civilization to obsess over and think was the most influential reason for the world being as it is today? That kinda sounds more fun than this, this is too personally confrontational
I was mostly joking about the much larger and all encompassing rabbit hole of comparative critical analysis that you can fall down for sincerely forever without ever reaching the bottom. But actually I find what you're talking about super relatable, I often feel like I'm doing weird self-psychoanalysis via historical material analysis because the self is the only lens we really have to view the world through so in trying to understand these macro level concepts we often have embody them in our own lives. Or maybe I'm projecting too much. Either way, I'll always tell people that Zizek is right in describing the practice of ideological deprogramming as a sort of self-mutilation. We have to tear out the brain worms of liberal, end of history ideology to really understand the world but doing that isn't just an easy task, it requires real mental expenditure and you can actually get burned out on it so don't be afraid to take breaks and cool off. I had to have a conversation like that recently with a friend who was beginning to have an existential crisis spiral because they pulled the veil back a little too quickly on everything they had grown up believing.
The rabbit holes never stop, the trick is to learn how to make the process enjoyable
This one honestly feels way more liberating than the last - the path ahead is much more arduous and personally confrontational than the last, but this time I feel equipped with all the defenses I need, just need to stay strong/brave/moving forwards... I mean I was already using all my energy hating myself for the life I was living... If my brain is gonna force me to obsess and hyperfocus, maybe I should do it towards something that feels exciting for a change.
Lots of good replies here but I want to chip in with another battleground, which is both gentler and harder than the others. Y'all need to do self care. At the heart of the communist project lies kindness and respect for all persons (human and non-human), and this shit starts with oneself. Our project is one of radical love.
:soviet-heart::an-eco-heart::anarchy-heart::ancom-heart:
Thanks, I used to think I was just a trans ally, but always somewhat from a distance clearly, so as to never get close enough to realize I was one of them, and that by admitting that to myself I could finally validate so much of the dull but ever present pain of my life so far, and a feeling that something was just wrong with me. I mean, plus all the way more in-my-face pain that I had minimized and repressed the heaviness of in order to avoid the larger pain of coming to terms with and coming out as trans.
Long road ahead, only getting started. Always felt awful for not doing more in all activist ways, always felt so immobilized by my own self in a very obfuscating self doubting self hating way.
TAKE HEED - I do not project my path onto any others, but speaking from my late 20's, all CIS white men who never felt like they really fit in or felt like social chameleons but always with a dull sense that other people experienced life in a happier fuller way even while doing the same tasks - they should all try on a woman's thong/leggings and see how it makes them feel (whatever variation suits your starting gender and the alternative that kinda weirds you out). That is all.
