"Hey, Sergei?"
"Da Pyotr?"
"I am on capitalist American review site Yelp. Many reviewers give Babushka's Piroshki single star and say 'There is a war in Ukraine and Putin is the aggressor.'"
"That is very weird, Pyotr."
"Da, we must find these spies and punish them for wrongthink."
"No, Pyotr. No one who go to trouble to leave Babushka's Piroshki one star review could possibly be tellink lies."
"You are right, Sergei! Babushka's piroshkis are best piroshkis. Anyone who leave one star review must have good reason."
"Hey Sergei?"
"Da?"
"Want to single-handedly end Putin's war of aggression in the Ukraine, then drink liter of vodka and wrestle with bear?"
"But Pyotr, is only 10 am on Tuesday."
"Da?"
"We not wrestle bear til Wednesday this week."
"Shitski, Sergei, you are right. We must spend extra time killink spies for glory of Communist Russia."
"Is good, Pyotr. I am havink one more question."
"Da Sergei?"
"If we are in contemporary Russia, why are we speakink and actink like we are half-remembered villains from terrible '80's Capitalist American action cinema?"
"Best not to peer too close at fabric of our universe, Sergei; is very fragile."
"Da, understood Pyotr."