Edit: Okay, wow. if the statement from a woman of “we owe you nothing” immediately sets you off emotionally, I would really encourage you to think through why that might be.

A more systemic phrasing could have been “we owe the patriarchy nothing”. I changed it to that for a second before realizing, again, that it was fine. A guy that has worked through internalized patriarchy around this will understand it’s not about them.

Patriarchy on the whole conditions men towards having a sense of entitlement towards women’s bodies, time, attention, labor, etc. It also conditions women that they should feel obligated to provide this without setting boundaries or expecting reciprocal solidarity.

Remember, we literally all have degrees of internalized bigotry, misogyny, racism, transphobia, etc because these are systemic issues. Our responsibility to ourselves and our comrades is to work through that. You are not a bad person for finding those brainworms in yourself, only if you refuse to do the work to address them.

  • CyberMao [it/its]
    ·
    3 years ago

    There are some states which are teaching emotional intelligence as part of their required curriculum and I’m hoping that it makes a big dent in the sort of patriarchal conditioning that’s so widespread.

    • TankGirl [she/her]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Love this. Emotional communication really is a learned skill and something I hope to see taught more in schools.

      Men are typically raised to avoid their own emotions to the point many feel they don’t have any at all. It’s deeply sad and also something that only they can work through.

      • Satanic_Mills [comrade/them]
        ·
        3 years ago

        I'm not quite sure how saying Men shouldn't go to women for help with their emotional problems helps this?

        Is this just the leftist version of 'go to therapy'?

          • Tapirs10 [undecided,she/her]
            ·
            3 years ago

            Yeah it's like this is literally the idea that men who have emotions are a burden and a failure that is perpetuated by toxic masculinity, but couched in feminist language. Or at least that's how I read it, maybe I have some brain worms to purge

        • p_sharikov [he/him]
          ·
          3 years ago

          I think their point is that it's not women's responsibility to fix the pathologies of male socialization. They disproportionately bear that burden because men won't talk about that stuff to other men.

          • Satanic_Mills [comrade/them]
            ·
            3 years ago

            Okay, so that's a clear and valid point. All I get from the poster is a #Girlboss vibe about how being asked to display empathy towards your family and loved ones is oppressive.

    • JuneFall [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      While I do think other skills are more important what is thought I have this creeping feeling that schools are not a good place in capitalist countries of the core to teach children about emotional intelligence.

      I worry one way it can be framed is to individualize the structural problems: Kevin you shall be more chill and nice and open up your emotions! While Kevin lives in shit material conditions and a state which constantly hurts the social relations.

      Though I do agree that we would have to create structures and also have space and practice in these structures in which emotional intelligence, good emotional practice and practical solidarity is present and can grow.