Long story short, fell on hard times, got evicted from my apartment, living with mom and her husband, mom and her husband give me a list of rules to follow which include: paying rent, keeping the room clean, I can’t be inside the house when they’re not home, they have to see my bank transactions to make sure I’m saving to move out, they have to monitor my medicine intake (I take antidepressants) to make sure I’m taking them. When I asked what the rules were for they just said it’s their house and their rules.
Did it for about a month and then realized the rules weren’t going to work for me, Mom asked to see my bank transactions and I said no, said I felt like it was weird, I started leaving to go to work and her husband came out of his room to yell at me, I yelled back bc I’m not going to take that shit, walked out and went to work. That night they said I had until the end of this month to move out.
Last night texted my dad and asked if he could drive me to work, I normally take the bus but wanted to talk to him. Dad tells mom I texted him to drive me because I don’t have enough money to take the bus (never told him that). When I get home mom demands to see my bank account, I say no again, they say because I’m lying, I get up to leave the situation, her husband follows me to my room, I try to shut the door but he stands in the doorway and pushes through, then when he gets through he pushes me and tbf it was lightly but it was clear he was trying to provoke me into fighting him. I didn’t, I just yelled at him, said he was psycho, he threatened to call the cops to come kick me out, I said to call them, he didn’t, mom defends him, asks why I can’t show my bank account, tell her bc it’s none of her business, we just argue until they leave the room at that point.
Talked to my dad this morning, he took their side, said he didn’t believe my version of events, said no one in the family saw it my way. I said at the end of the month after I left I wasn’t going to talk to either of them again and I didn’t want them in my life. Just for context I’ve never been close to my dad at all.
Now I’m scared to go back there tonight, scared it’s going to escalate further again or they’ll just try to kick me out and I’ll be homeless, I have no one to help me and I don’t know what to do. I talked to my therapist, he got me an appointment with a place for housing resources but the appointment isn’t until the end of the month. I thought about going to a homeless shelter but all of them here are Christian ones that make you do Bible study and shit, and the one secular shelter is the one my mom works at. I don’t have money for a motel. I’m not here to beg or anything, just needed to vent and also am I the asshole here?
You are not the asshole. Your parents are the assholes. They trampled over your boundaries and used DARVO ("deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender") techniques to make you feel bad about what they did.
I’d never heard of that term before, interesting. There’s always been shit like them saying or doing something fucked up to me and then when I standup for myself I was “rude and condescending” about it so what they did didn’t actually matter and I’m the real villain. This puts it into perspective more
DARVO has been an abuser tactic since long before it had a name. I'm glad it helps to know the term.
i'm sorry this shit is happening to you, it must fucking suck
am I the asshole here?
fuck no, those people sound fucking unhinged
thanks. im starting to feel like I’m just being crazy bc my entire family including my brother are against me so hearing that from a 3rd party is more assuring
You aren't the asshole here, they are.
You were right to stand up for yourself.https://www.findhelp.org/ this might help you find a temporary place.
Edit: Find help is US only.
Find Help is US only. If you aren't in the US there may be an equivalent for your country.
Wow, your entire family is fucking crazy. :what-the-hell:
:meow-hug:
You were in the right and they were totally in the wrong. I will say as a survival skill, once you've entered a contract(or agreed to a set of rules in this case) at a disadvantage, you follow the rules or try to renegotiate them until you're in a position equal to the other party. Also, never bring in another person against someone manipulative unless you know they've 100% got your back.
you’re right, I tried following the rules for survival like you said but it was still a toxic environment and after a month just couldn’t take it anymore. The one time I tried to renegotiate I started getting yelled at immediately about how ungrateful I was
Your mum works at a homeless shelter and is pushing to make you homeless? What the fuck is wrong with her?
Sounds like a super toxic family. I had a somewhat similar mum would demand to have access to my online banking. When i changed the password she cried and screamed saying i was gonna have the repo men come and take her house away. Would also fish through the recycling to see what things I'd ordered and then chew me out for spending money on literally anything. Would constantly say she was gonna kick me out and when I eventually left, had a fit that i would dare to leave lol.
You cant win with these kinds of people. My strategy was to stomach their shit and plan to get away as soon as possible it sucks I know but it saves on escalating. Was lucky to find a coworker who helped me find a decent house share since I was broke af. A complete stranger at work was more willing to help me with my problems than my own family lul.
Your mum works at a homeless shelter and is pushing to make you homeless? What the fuck is wrong with her?
fucking actually though. you get to see what homelessness does to people and you consider that fine to do to your own kid? like the only thing that justifies that is your kid trying to murder you, and even then they should be getting help
Keeping the room clean is fine, demanding rent is okay as long as it's not an exploitative level. Checking your medicine intake is kinda weird, as is checking your bank account (especially if you've paid the normal amount of rent), it reveals that they really don't have any trust in you. Not being able to be in the house when they're not home is unhinged. You pay rent and don't even have the privilege of controlling what times you can exist in that space? You might as well not even have a key. Not being able to have your own four walls to sequester yourself in is hell. I've been there for about two years of my life. Having my parents threaten to call the cops on me (I was a relatively docile, straight-laced teenager) was the first hint I really got about the true nature of police.
What are the wage and hours like at your job, how much do studio apts cost in your area, and how much do your antidepressants cost?
Look up the tenant's rights in whatever state or province you're in. They shouldn't be able to evict you without a court order and you should be able to tie that up for a month or few. Buy a lock for your door.
Fuck, they're some of the hugest assholes I've ever heard of and I've been no contact with my parents for several years now. I'm sorry they're putting you through that and trying to make you think it's your fault. You deserve better than that.
Mosques and Sikh temples. You got any in your immediate area? Those homeboys are code-bound to feed folks in need, and they've never let me down when I had to rely on them.
realized the rules weren’t going to work for me
What exactly about the rules isn't working for you?
