i don't think it's unreasonable to go through the statements, tbh. it's not something you'd be doing without their permission or knowledge, and - if handled correctly - it could help them understand how quickly these little expenses add up (if that's an issue they have; i know it's something i struggle with heavily)
since rebuilding trust is your main concern, i can see why you'd rather avoid doing so, but it doesn't have to be an inherently negative thing. considering how well you seem to be handling this in general i'd say you definitely have the ability to walk through it gently with them, if you so chose.
at any rate, i hope you're able to help them out of whatever cause them to dig this hole, and i wish you luck in your house-buying endeavors
that's my thinking as well. i also wanna stress (to OP mainly, ofc) that this isn't coming from a place of disdain for the partner or anything; as i said in another comment i am the financially irresponsible partner in my relationship and i find it really helpful to have a frank discussion about money stuff, particularly when i fuck up
Same here. And I find that over time, I’ve relied less and less on guilt to enforce my financial habits and it’s made me a much more reliable spender. At one point I would have said that guilt is a good motivator when you have a baby who will starve if you buy too many lotto tickets, but honestly I’ve come around on even that. Shame and guilt were a big part of the addictive spiral for me in general and I feel like my parents would have been able to take much better care of me if they could have talked openly about their issues with money and addiction
it sounds like you've made a lot of progress on the issue! i'm genuinely happy for you, comrade. :soviet-heart: i hope OP's SO can make a similar improvement. :)
i don't think it's unreasonable to go through the statements, tbh. it's not something you'd be doing without their permission or knowledge, and - if handled correctly - it could help them understand how quickly these little expenses add up (if that's an issue they have; i know it's something i struggle with heavily)
since rebuilding trust is your main concern, i can see why you'd rather avoid doing so, but it doesn't have to be an inherently negative thing. considering how well you seem to be handling this in general i'd say you definitely have the ability to walk through it gently with them, if you so chose.
at any rate, i hope you're able to help them out of whatever cause them to dig this hole, and i wish you luck in your house-buying endeavors
Yeah, it could very much be a collaborative thing that they work through together and doesn’t become a habit
that's my thinking as well. i also wanna stress (to OP mainly, ofc) that this isn't coming from a place of disdain for the partner or anything; as i said in another comment i am the financially irresponsible partner in my relationship and i find it really helpful to have a frank discussion about money stuff, particularly when i fuck up
communication's the cornerstone and all that
Same here. And I find that over time, I’ve relied less and less on guilt to enforce my financial habits and it’s made me a much more reliable spender. At one point I would have said that guilt is a good motivator when you have a baby who will starve if you buy too many lotto tickets, but honestly I’ve come around on even that. Shame and guilt were a big part of the addictive spiral for me in general and I feel like my parents would have been able to take much better care of me if they could have talked openly about their issues with money and addiction
it sounds like you've made a lot of progress on the issue! i'm genuinely happy for you, comrade. :soviet-heart: i hope OP's SO can make a similar improvement. :)
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