I haven’t yet gone through any statements - I would feel like a creep doing that

This is a good impulse. Whatever problems your partner is having, letting them lean too much on you handling things for them is a fast track to codependency. Sitting down and having them walk you through the statements as a one time exercise could be another thing entirely, potentially very healthy and insightful.

I will say that, having grown up food and housing insecure, it took me like a decade after punching my way into the middle class to stop spending like I was still poor. Money just disappears when you’re that poor and saving feels like all the worst parts of being broke with none of the comforts that come from an occasional windfall.

Saving is rewarding for someone who’s used to the big payoff down the line. But for someone who’s never done that, it feels like self-flagellation, especially when your savings is repeatedly and inevitably going to get drained for some emergency.

I used to buy cars outright for a couple hundred bucks with my tax return. Then I eventually had enough money to lease a decent car. My first big purchase I saved long-term for was a used car I got for a couple thousand bucks, but owning it outright finally made things click a bit. Saving literally never made sense before that and I had no idea why it was so hard when my partner made it seem so easy. But they’d grown up with their parents helping them set spending goals and encouraging them to save. So they had that ingrained in them. Meanwhile, I grew up learning that money saved was money wasted because it was just going to end up going to endless mountain of debt that we had no hope getting out of anyway.