Separate bank accounts is what helped this situation play out. If you are bad with money and your partner is not, then having them berate you every time you make a dumb, unnecessary purchase will help you get better with money (and help them loosen their grip if they're ridiculously tightfisted). You won't need help talking out the "big 'together' purchases" because you'll already have good sense from talking out even the piddling, small purchases. I say this from 18 years of experience.
considering the short timeframe, i think joined accounts could have easily made the situation far worse.
i've also been in my relationship for like a decade at this point and i'm not entirely convinced it would been for the better if my partner tore me a new asshole every time i made a mistake or a stupid decision :shrug-outta-hecks:
Amazing. Every part of that is wrong. You ALWAYS talk over a big decision involving money, and getting belittled for being bad with money does not make you get better, it makes you hate your partner. You are being very aggressive while espousing some really stupid ideas. Separate accounts make perfect sense in the modern world
It makes sense to have one bank account that is continuously overdrawn and another bank account flush with cash? It makes sense to have to constantly negotiate what debts and purchases are yours, mine, and ours every day for the rest of your life? Maybe separate accounts makes sense in a dual income household of two equally recompensated PMCs who never have to worry about money, but that kind of arrangement wouldn't work for my partner and me. Separate accounts just sounds like a different recipe for resentment to me.
it’s still possible to overspend on a joint account without your partner noticing.
Maybe in the days of paper checks and monthly snail mail bank statements but not really the case anymore with online banking.
you’re being needlessly aggressive here
I may have been needlessly provocative at the start of this thread but I didn't dismiss someone else's values and opinion as "some really stupid ideas" of which "every part of that is wrong".
If one is always overdrawn then you have big issues to address. And if you're out doing your own thing, the purchases are yours. You get your own lunch, your spouse pays for their movie ticket(as examples). You can divide tasks for what feels a reasonable cost to each of you, so one handles the cost of groceries and the other tackles the phone bill. Big purchases you can work on together and discuss how best to account for both of your expenses and pay-schedules. I don't know if it works in every situation, I'm not gonna say you're wrong about what works for you, but for two people of comparable pay and expenses two accounts makes sense. Even for people who worry about money, although I don't know if there is a point where that breaks down.
Separate bank accounts is what helped this situation play out. If you are bad with money and your partner is not, then having them berate you every time you make a dumb, unnecessary purchase will help you get better with money (and help them loosen their grip if they're ridiculously tightfisted). You won't need help talking out the "big 'together' purchases" because you'll already have good sense from talking out even the piddling, small purchases. I say this from 18 years of experience.
considering the short timeframe, i think joined accounts could have easily made the situation far worse.
i've also been in my relationship for like a decade at this point and i'm not entirely convinced it would been for the better if my partner tore me a new asshole every time i made a mistake or a stupid decision :shrug-outta-hecks:
Amazing. Every part of that is wrong. You ALWAYS talk over a big decision involving money, and getting belittled for being bad with money does not make you get better, it makes you hate your partner. You are being very aggressive while espousing some really stupid ideas. Separate accounts make perfect sense in the modern world
punishing people for coming to you with a problem just means in future they'll hide it
Exactly. The advice given was like saying parents yelling at their kids for bad grades will encourage them to do better.
It makes sense to have one bank account that is continuously overdrawn and another bank account flush with cash? It makes sense to have to constantly negotiate what debts and purchases are yours, mine, and ours every day for the rest of your life? Maybe separate accounts makes sense in a dual income household of two equally recompensated PMCs who never have to worry about money, but that kind of arrangement wouldn't work for my partner and me. Separate accounts just sounds like a different recipe for resentment to me.
it's still possible to overspend on a joint account without your partner noticing.
I'm glad your way of doing things works for you but you're being needlessly aggressive here
Maybe in the days of paper checks and monthly snail mail bank statements but not really the case anymore with online banking.
I may have been needlessly provocative at the start of this thread but I didn't dismiss someone else's values and opinion as "some really stupid ideas" of which "every part of that is wrong".
If one is always overdrawn then you have big issues to address. And if you're out doing your own thing, the purchases are yours. You get your own lunch, your spouse pays for their movie ticket(as examples). You can divide tasks for what feels a reasonable cost to each of you, so one handles the cost of groceries and the other tackles the phone bill. Big purchases you can work on together and discuss how best to account for both of your expenses and pay-schedules. I don't know if it works in every situation, I'm not gonna say you're wrong about what works for you, but for two people of comparable pay and expenses two accounts makes sense. Even for people who worry about money, although I don't know if there is a point where that breaks down.
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