Lost my friend to Nazism. His personhood is going to be completely erased so he's dead to me. It's as if he committed suicide. I've been heavily grieving for years.
Lost my friend to Nazism. His personhood is going to be completely erased so he's dead to me. It's as if he committed suicide. I've been heavily grieving for years.
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I can see why you wouldn't want to draw a comparison, but from the perspective of the OP, this is still a loss. I've grieved both a suicide by a father figure, as well as estrangement of my mother due to her racism, abuse, and Christian Nationalism. Both affected me deeply and very similarly. It's all loss and grief, it feels about the same from my perspective. From an observer, they could see the differences, but from my own first person perspective, I can only see the differences when I analyze it externally and more objectively.
The biggest difference I feel is I couldn't help the suicide, but I chose the estrangement. Still, the pain of deep loss is there in both cases.
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Thank you for the concern and kind words. Estrangement is a hard one because it's like a divorce or breakup where you go through the grieving process, but the person isn't dead and can still affect you. I ended up having to block my own mother and essentially declare her dead to me when she started directing racism at me specifically. We're Latino, but in her mind, she thinks she's white and denigrates our culture and people ever chance she gets. I got a racist rant directed at me when I blew up on her for not respecting my boundaries. In my heart, it felt like she died. I knew there was no coming back for her. She was always abusive towards me, but I learned how not to be at least.
For her, it was Fox, ONN, 700 Club, and scores of televangelists over the decades. She's a lost cause and looking back, she always was. That's the only thing that helps with the grief aspect, realizing she chose that and won't ever change.
Conversely, my uncle was a CNN/MSNBC ShitLib who joined the Vietnam war to "get him some commies". I was open about my own communism to him in later years and I openly questioned his motives. He seemed remorseful of his actions in the war and participation in it. I can tell he had some regrets. Both were significantly mentally ill, as am I, but I'm at least getting treatment now.
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That's exactly it to a tee. "Pick me! Pick me!"
Thank you for validating my perspective. I'm sorry you had to resort to letting your mom be dead to you. I miss the person the Nazi used to be, and I can't imagine how I'd miss them if they were my parent. If you ever struggle with holding that boundary, please keep doing what's good for you.