"Citizens of Earth, I have hijacked your communication signals around the world to insure this message's content is fully known. I, Emperor Musk, have laid claim to the Martian sphere of influence. Phobos watches over his red host as do I within his celestial womb. Let it be known, Earthlings, Mars is free and independent under MY RULE! Obviously, we will still heavily rely on supplies from Earth and larger government subsidies, but make no mistake, we are independent now! Also, don't, like, send a nuke or something because that would be, like, really not cool. Ok...bye then. Remember no nukes! Real byes now...."