"Thank you for calling the Federal Bureau of Investigation Extremist Hotline, please select one of the following options:

Press (1) If you are a far right militia member wishing to report the wrongful prevention of a planned terrorist action;

Press (2) If you are a far left political activist seeking to sign up to an FBI managed or registered political organisation;

Press (3) If you are a far right militia member seeking assistance with your federal funding application;

Press (4) If you are a left wing political activist seeking to access the FBI watchlist for recreational purposes;

or

Press (5) If you wish to speak to an operative."