You definitely need to work on being violent. My meltdowns aren't like that so idk how easy it is to work on. Maybe try removing yourself from the situation.
Using the example in 3, the best thing for him to do would probably be just staying in his room for the duration of the event. But the parents absolutely need to work on understanding the effects their actions are having on him and be more accommodating. They should have told him as soon as it was planned, not hours before the event.
If it was last minute (doesn't really sound like it though) they could have told him in person, told him how they understood he might not be prepared for such an event, suggested staying in his room, and asked if there was anything they could do to help. Obviously it depends on his likes, but maybe they could have ordered him a pizza or some other food he really enjoys so he can take it to his room and stay chill. And made it clear that if he needed anything from outside the room, he could just text them and they would help.
From the way it was written it sounds like they still expected him to attend the event which is just bad and not at all understanding what it means that their child is autistic.
For number 4, work on recognizing when explaining something like that just isn't worth it. Tell them you're going to do your best to show your gratitude but cannot handle putting on a happy face for the duration of the event. If they try to argue, just tell them that's just how it is and there is nothing to argue. If they still argue, tell them fine but then just don't do it. It's not always worth convincing someone, know when to just end the conversation. If they argue with you afterward, it's their fault for continuously harassing you about it when you did the best you could.
I’ve tried asking for accommodations that make it less likely for me to melt down, but I think my parents view it as just another thing they have to work around to stop me from hurting them. “Always walking on eggshells” and I hate doing that to people.
Honestly I think the "walking on eggshells" thing might be sort of circular reasoning. They don't actually accommodate you, so you melt down, then they get stressed by your meltdown, and that stress is what they're feeling when they say that phrase. It seems like that phrase is really only used after something bad happens. "Walking on eggshells" effectively ends up meaning they did nothing then had to deal with the consequences, basically the opposite of what they are trying to use it for. idk though that's just how it seems to me and I'm sure it depends on the specific person and situation. But the two things I've gone over, the party and the argument, should honestly be pretty easy to accommodate if they would just consider how you feel for 2 seconds.
But yeah, definitely work on the violence. Removing yourself from the situation if possible is usually a good way to go about it. Maybe have a straightforward stock phrase to throw out if you need, "Sorry, I feel as if I'm about to have a meltdown and need to remove myself from this situation" or something, then just go. You could also try to figure out some (non-self harming) stims to put your feelings into.
Also, the fact that you recognize what you do it bad and want to work on it means you are nowhere near "irredeemable POS". An irredeemable POS wouldn't give a shit.
You definitely need to work on being violent. My meltdowns aren't like that so idk how easy it is to work on. Maybe try removing yourself from the situation.
Using the example in 3, the best thing for him to do would probably be just staying in his room for the duration of the event. But the parents absolutely need to work on understanding the effects their actions are having on him and be more accommodating. They should have told him as soon as it was planned, not hours before the event.
If it was last minute (doesn't really sound like it though) they could have told him in person, told him how they understood he might not be prepared for such an event, suggested staying in his room, and asked if there was anything they could do to help. Obviously it depends on his likes, but maybe they could have ordered him a pizza or some other food he really enjoys so he can take it to his room and stay chill. And made it clear that if he needed anything from outside the room, he could just text them and they would help.
From the way it was written it sounds like they still expected him to attend the event which is just bad and not at all understanding what it means that their child is autistic.
For number 4, work on recognizing when explaining something like that just isn't worth it. Tell them you're going to do your best to show your gratitude but cannot handle putting on a happy face for the duration of the event. If they try to argue, just tell them that's just how it is and there is nothing to argue. If they still argue, tell them fine but then just don't do it. It's not always worth convincing someone, know when to just end the conversation. If they argue with you afterward, it's their fault for continuously harassing you about it when you did the best you could.
Honestly I think the "walking on eggshells" thing might be sort of circular reasoning. They don't actually accommodate you, so you melt down, then they get stressed by your meltdown, and that stress is what they're feeling when they say that phrase. It seems like that phrase is really only used after something bad happens. "Walking on eggshells" effectively ends up meaning they did nothing then had to deal with the consequences, basically the opposite of what they are trying to use it for. idk though that's just how it seems to me and I'm sure it depends on the specific person and situation. But the two things I've gone over, the party and the argument, should honestly be pretty easy to accommodate if they would just consider how you feel for 2 seconds.
But yeah, definitely work on the violence. Removing yourself from the situation if possible is usually a good way to go about it. Maybe have a straightforward stock phrase to throw out if you need, "Sorry, I feel as if I'm about to have a meltdown and need to remove myself from this situation" or something, then just go. You could also try to figure out some (non-self harming) stims to put your feelings into.
Also, the fact that you recognize what you do it bad and want to work on it means you are nowhere near "irredeemable POS". An irredeemable POS wouldn't give a shit.
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