Yessss this so much. There is so much opportunity cost due to being trans. Like having to wasting time on various transition related things and also working and saving money for surgeries just to reach the baseline of other people, like I could spend this money on so many other things, but I just can’t. It sucks so much😵💫😭
It’s quite hard not to😭 I feel like I’d be stressing too if I was out to my friends, like I feel that I’d be missing out on things that would not happen if I was open about being trans, and it’s risky career-wise as I’m in medschool and connections and reputation matter a lot as it’s kind of small community😵💫 idk in any case my goal is to be fully stealth by the age of 25 or I’ll off myself, so I have to minimize all risk😅
I might consider it, but I’m just scared of his reaction, especially because he knows where I live and we live like 5-10 minutes from each other😭
I hate that it has to be so difficult to be trans😭 There seem to be awful trade-offs both when stealth and non-stealth. Are you fully stealth or out to friends?
Yup, the Nordic countries are absolutely awful in that regard. I’m planning on leaving and as crazy as it sounds the US is a possible choice for me.
Canada is pretty good, definitely one of the better countries in the world when it comes to gender affirming care. The Netherlands has awfully long waitlists for HRT, but if you’ve already started HRT and have a gender dysphoria diagnosis you might be able to skip the waitlist. Portugal is alright from what I hear, but I don’t know much about what it’s like.
Generally the best countries in Europe in terms of GAC seem to be Spain, France and Germant. Also keep in mind that injectable estradiol is basically unavailable in almost all of Europe. Only a few countries such as Czechia and Slovakia have it on the market.
I’m assuming from your username that you are trans, so I just wanted to mention that gender affirming care in the blue US states eclipses basically any other country. I’ve seen a good amount of posts by Americans who’ve moved here to the Nordic countries and were surprised at the truly awful gender affirming care. So definitely make sure to research which countries are decent for trans people when looking at possible options.
But did you tell them before or after being intimate? I feel like that complicates the situation as I’ve intimate with him (but not had sex)
I think my issue is also breaking stealth to disclose. Most people I meet in my day to day life are people with whom I have mutual friends, so I’d risk outing myself to my friends if I disclose to these men😅
Idk generally I do deal with anxiety so it might be because of that, but maintaining stealth is my number one priority in life. I do often think about whether maintaining stealth is worth having massively reduced dating options😵💫
I haven’t dated much, only been on 5 dates before, so I don’t have much experience😅 In this case he knows where I live and I can’t guarantee a positive outcome, so I won’t risk being assaulted. Generally I also avoid dating stealth as I feel it’s not too viable for me as, even though I seem to pass/be stealth, I still have some clockable features, but it has definitely been nice to just be seen and treated as any other woman🥹
Idk it’s kind of sad, but I can’t do much in this situation. But yaa I should be focused on studying anyway🥲
Kind of a side-track, but where have you had the most success when dating? I’ve tried some awful apps, but I met this guy through a friend.
Will be seeing a cute guy I met recently again today, but I don't think he knows I'm trans, so it'll be the last time I see him. So yaa, quite sad about that🥲
Somewhat positively though, I think I've narrowed down my future career goals, and my HRT dose was increased.
It sadly does seem like life is just inherently bittersweet. I guess my main issue is with the trans-specific issues that I wouldn’t have to deal with had I been born cis😭 Idk I’m just so tired of it all🥲
I honestly hate it so much. I vastly underestimated how awful dating, romance, etc. would be like after coming out. Most of my friends don’t seem to know I’m trans and I’m slowly cutting off people in my life who do know so I can’t even talk with anyone about it. It sucks how complicated everything is as a trans person.
Idk if it makes sense, but like I went clubbing with a friend of mine and we met up with some of his friends. I vibed really well with his one friend 'James' (not his real name) and my friend, James and I wound up going to get something to eat before heading to James' place where we watched some anime. My friend fell asleep and one thing lead to another and me and James did a lot of kissing, cuddling and heavy petting. The next day we met up too and the same thing happened, but before that we also went to get something to eat and then we cuddled while watching some anime. And he isn't pushy and doesn't seem to only want sex. Idk it felt like he was interested in something more.
And like it sounds great, but also so incredibly bittersweet as I knew this would never lead to more as he didn't know I was trans. It was a reminder of something I feel like I'll never have, and now I have to kill off whatever spark was there. Honestly I just bawled my eyes out because of this realization that any relationship developing organically seems basically impossible while trans. At best I'll get to wade through awful dating apps and in the end any partner I might find will have to know I'm trans which makes me sick. Idk it feels like cruel joke to have something great within reach, but then realizing it will never ever work out.
It's definitely better than it used to be. I used to spend the vast majority of my time either self-harming or thinking about suicide. I didn't really care much for anything back then, so I'm doing better now. I just have a hard time coping when my dysphoria gets bad. Like I often cry because I'll never have kids or thinking about how much puberty ruined me.
So yeah it's definitely better now on average than it used to be, I just find it hard to have any hope for the future. Most of my goals in life (getting married, having kids, moving abroad) are complicated or straight up impossible due to being trans :(
Yessss this so much. There is so much opportunity cost due to being trans. Like having to wasting time on various transition related things and also working and saving money for surgeries just to reach the baseline of other people, like I could spend this money on so many other things, but I just can’t. It sucks so much😵💫😭