I want to try out estrogen without permanent effects (mostly breast growth) to see how it feels and have been looking into options. I want to see how it changes my emotions and, if I'm lucky, my skin, face, hips, hair, and body hair.

It seems like there are a few SERMs out there that can be taken alongside HRT to limit breast growth. Another option is just a very low dose if I'm just 'trying it out' for a few months.

Might make an appointment for a local gender clinic and see what options are available.

maybe

Any recommendations for how to test? I've already grown out my hair and recently got a more 'androgynous' hair cut, but I am wayyyyy too scared and unsure to do anything more in public. When I play with my presentation in private there is an occasional spark, but it is mostly disappointing.

Honestly hormones feel like a potential next step, but I'm wary of breast growth and any other irreversible changes that might happen.

There is definitely a 'greener grass' effect happening here, but my perception of women from media and people I know is that they experience emotion and interpersonal connection in a way that feels entirely closed off to me. I've read accounts of trans women describing whole new worlds of emotion during transition, either by way of estrogen/HRT or self acceptance, and I want that.

I've been questioning my gender recently and think I might be trans, but I worry that it is for the wrong reasons. I've been depressed for a long time and I'm idealizing womanhood/being a woman as a way out. I dream that through transitioning I will become more inherently lovable, more capable of loving, less lonely, more beautiful, more alive.

More than anything I wish I could 'know' what I'm meant to be, what steps I can take to be happier.

I sent a 20 please post dog

The watermelon is my old personal emoji from cytube lol. It came from an album art https://wearestandards.bandcamp.com/album/fruit-island

I find most of my DJ sets through The lot radio , the boiler room , NTS radio and whatever the youtube algorithm recommends

lol you're right :stalin-heart:

I think that for a lot of people the most important thing about 'diets' for weight loss or gain is the rules, structure, and mindfulness around food they provide for people who are are not able to 'intuitively eat' (eat in a way that keeps them happy and healthy). Of course once the goal is achieved and the structure is lost many people yo-yo back to their original weight because they haven't learned what healthy eating feels like.

People I've known to achieve their weightloss goals might be experiencing some 'resets' or tapping into some epigenetic stuff, but I think a huge part of it for them is just reducing how much they are eating. Modern society can find someone easily surrounded by not-so-healthy food, so having an rule/excuse to make you say 'no' to the office birthday cake or the Drive-Thru on the way home is a big difference maker. This excuse can be any of the no-carb, wrong time of day, seed-oils, etc rules that are popular nowadays.

In the opposite direction, weight gain diets for the underweight often read as 'If you at least consume this one calorie dense thing every day you won't waste away.' The 'meme' body builder diet GOMAD (Gallon of Milk a Day) is an extreme example, but I know a handful of ADHD/Neurodivergent types who are underweight or chronically dehydrated that have 'at-least' rules and use pre-portioned meal/shakes and phone reminders.

All in all I think a lot of diet success is similar to the exercise adage "The Best Workout (Diet) Program Is the One You Actually Enjoy/Do." However, it might be also the case that to graduate from consistent, conscious dieting to healthy intuitive eating some underlying mental barriers might need to be addressed.

Disclaimer: I am not a dietician or anything close, this is just a pet theory that I've had rolling around for a while.

Any recommendations for how to decarb without making your whole place smell like weed? I've decarbed in a mostly sealed mason jar before, but was curious if there were other things to try.

I should've clarified knowing that you're in the UK, but almost all states in the USA use lottery funds to supplement their education budgets. It's discussed in the episode in more detail, but it ends up being quite insidious. It encourages the thinking that buying a lotto ticket is like making a donation to public schools while also making it difficult to have a meaningful discussion about the net negatives of a lottery system because 'it raises money for the children'.

As always, :citations-needed: has a relevant episode.

It's been a while since I listened to the ep and it isn't explicitly a marxist analysis. The net effect is, as expected, bad. Casinos are always advertised as bringing in jobs while lotteries are 'for the kids', but always end up benefitting the wealthy more than anyone. You also touched on it in one of your responses, but marketing around gambling is mostly targeted towards the poor and lower class and in effect makes gambling a regressive tax.

I'm tired of all of the 'Great Man' type stories where a single individual or group changes the fate of the galaxy. Consider Phlebas by Ian Banks did it in an interesting way, the payoff of the heroic actions and sacrifice of the characters was revealed to be unimportant in the grand scheme of the war being fought, but this isn't revealed until the end, so it was a bit of a gimmicky 'gotcha' moment.

I want more slice-of-life sci-fi and fantasy. I recently read Long way to a Small, Angry Planet by Rebecca Chambers and really enjoyed the vignette based storytelling centered on a working class crew. You got to explore interesting corners of the galaxy a la Star Trek, but without the high stakes.

I also just finished reading Semiosis by Sue Burke, a humans-settle-an-exoplanet type story, and one of the things I really enjoyed was how the story was told in generations. It allowed for a cool materialist(?) storytelling where you could see how the culture of their 30-100 person colony is shaped by historical events that you just read about the chapter before.

I've been listening to Kelsey Lu's version for years now and never realized it was a cover.

I got the first booster super early, and wouldn't you know it, I just came down with covid yesterday. I'd been checking the status of the second booster daily, but I guess I won't need it now...

I have almost 0 ttrpg experience, but I'd love to learn if your group is willing. Do you have sense what the general tone of the campaign and players is (lots of jokes, heavy RP, combat focused)?

I've been really searching for definitions of 'love' recently because I too wonder if I have ever 'loved' someone. All of the things you hear in media and conversation like 'when you're in love you'll know'; 'love is a decision that you have to make every day'; 'to love is to let yourself be truly known'; 'something that motivates you to be a better person' etc. etc. are all so vague and unhelpful but I guess they do work for some people in some situations.

I've liked the definition that belle hooks uses in All About Love the best so far, "[Love is] the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth", but despite flashes of confidence when I evaluate my feelings by this definition I still have no idea what I 'truly' feel for my gf. :shrug-outta-hecks:

Your quote is probably another to add to the list. Just something simple to make someone evaluate whether they love someone as a whole, or for the 'reasons' of 'superficial' things like money, looks, sex, etc. Which honestly are all valid reasons to love someone, but maybe not reasons enough to stay in a bad relationship.

It sounds like you felt bad and maybe even slight dysphoria at the reception of that compliment and I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm going to probe a little for the sake of argument, so I apologize if it makes you uncomfortable. Feel free to ignore. Did that feeling of hurt make you want to become more muscular? Do you think gaining muscle mass or having a different bone structure might make you feel 'manly' in a way that would gender affirming?

I'm having trouble conceptualizing something like that. Would something like a man being called 'cute' or 'adorable' instead of their preferred 'handsome' be along the lines of what you mean? In this case I think that changing oneself to be 'handsome' would be gender affirming.

Gender is by definition more about feeling than looks. After all, it would be wrong to identify a not-yet-out trans person as the gender presented by their 'looks.' If having a full head of hair makes you feel like a man then I think it follows that it can be gender affirming.