my therapist: 'well, this little maneuver's gonna cost us 51 years'
my therapist: 'well, this little maneuver's gonna cost us 51 years'
please put me down as an observer.
Without knowing more, at a guess that sounds like you might be on the far end of the arousal curve.
Sounds a lot like burnout, which can affect anybody.
yeah, that tracks. my current journey started because of more than half a decade of being in a constant state of burnout.
I would do recommend trying out the general advice for burnout management and see if that improves things for you
i have, and have been, for about three years now. it's made the bad less bad, but it hasn't made the good any more good (or stopped or slowed my semirapid decline).
what i already know is that i have autism and cPTSD. i've been in a constant state of stress for over a decade.
in my first journey: i was tentatively diagnosed with ADHD in another country, but i wasn't granted autonomy yet, and the stigma and cost of ADHD treatment didn't make it an option for my owners.
so, the second journey was of course court-ordered applied behavioural analysis and institutionalisation for suicidal depression. i've been on just about every single antidepressant and antipsychotic and been thru every CBT-derivative psychotherapy you could probably name. y'know: treating symptoms (chronic depression, 'conduct disorder') rather than causes (horrible environment, trauma, executive dysfunction). the consistent effect was that it made everything worse (and in some ways: permanently).
now, in my current country, the barrier is that my doctors are suspicious of how direct and articulate i am with what evaluations and treatment options i'm considering. they're all either incompetent or their knolwedge is 40 years behind, and they've seemingly decided that i seem too introspective and too selfaware to possibly be feeling like shit. their prescription? join a book club and go back to work. and of course postcovid and burnout and shit sleep are making it hard to find the energy to argue with these people. so, that's cool.
i understand being direct can make doctors get defensive, but i've tried the coy social engineering approach and it got me involuntarily hospitalised. *shrug*
anyway, thanks for the information and support.
question: does it mean anything if caffeine can have varied, random effects? sometimes it makes me jittery, to the point of anxiety like i'm being chased. other times it makes me blackout tired. there's a spectrum here, and i rarely land in the 'wakeup' zone that most neurotypicals seem to be in it for. it doesn't seem to matter what my energy level is beforehand.
also, i want to thank you so much for your post in the other thread and this one. i've been taking notes since i'm starting on my third journey for treatment.
aside from the autotherapeutic, vibes-based and reactionary 'veganism' mentioned here, i've often encountered the misanthropic 'vegan'.
they've typically experienced chronic complex interpersonal trauma and have arrived at some quasiconsequentialist position that animals — as a category representing the 'opposite' of humans, and lacking the same capacity for evil — represents the apex of innocence and morality. they assume anything bad brought upon a human is brought upon themselves, and would see humans collectively punished(/ put into collective suffering) for [insert list of examples of decadence] or as repentance for animal cruelty. it doesn't matter how humans suffer, or that they all suffer the exact same way. it only matters that everyone everywhere is feeling like shit. even better if the suffering is caused by another human, which they warpedly see as some kind of 'irony', so it makes sense they'd promote hateful ideology. at the far end of the spectrum: they dip into ecofascist accelerationism territory.
the reality is that this is an outlet for their hatred for their own (varied) abusers, and their hopes that a ubiquitous suffering will extend far enough to reach even these abusers and bring everyone down to their level.
(i speak a tiny bit from my own past experience)
this one's for you peepaw r.i.p.
🛏💤
whoops, i forgot i have lemmy.world blocked. i don't see comments or posts from that instance.
still tho, i wasn't getting the undiscovered 404 on dbzer0.
i don't know about lemdroid. federation could be backlogged for aforementioned reasons.
the link you gave works fine for me in Firefox: clicking, dragging or pasting. the 404 likely indicates that lemdroid hasn't discovered that community yet; probably because it's still waiting to finish asking lemmy.world about it.
how do I interact with a community I cannot connect to?
are you using the website, or an app? i can see the community, but not the posts (presumably because they aren't synced) (forgot i have lemmy.world blocked).
do you not see the community landing page at all? is there no 'subscribe' button? subscribing is the best way to trigger the sync job; i could try doing it for you, but i want to see if it's possible for you to do it first.
if you're the first person from your instance to interact with a remote community, it takes a moment for it to sync.
also keep in mind that lemmy.world is too fucking big, so they're very slow to talk to.
no the dark dragon balls are ours mom said you cant have any
think disallowing votes (down or both) from non-subscribers would defeat the point of the all feed, which to me is to display the most active/interesting posts on the Fediverse right now. You can’t have that if it is only community subscribers that vote.
isn't this what 'scaled' sorting is / could be for?
not really theory, or a text, or a complex concept, but i've had unusual luck treating statistical brainworms in organisations by referencing the McNamara fallacy; particularly the opening quote from the Wikipedia article:
But when the McNamara discipline is applied too literally, the first step is to measure whatever can be easily measured. The second step is to disregard that which can't easily be measured or given a quantitative value. The third step is to presume that what can't be measured easily really isn't important. The fo[u]rth step is to say that what can't be easily measured really doesn't exist. This is suicide.
— Daniel Yankelovich, "Interpreting the New Life Styles", Sales Management (1971)[2]
i guess they don't normally think of the process in — or consequences of — a purely quantitative worldview, and the format of this argument seems to click something into place.
sprinkle some Goodhart's law and Edward Bernays into the conversation for added effect. Bernays's work is a great example of how social sciences can be used to great effect for all of the shittiest reasons.
db0 (the person) is cooler when he's scratching liberals instead of having ego clashes with Raddle and whatever the fuck this is:
~500 comments about our instance and admins in the past week. Talk about needing to touch some grass…
waow! that's like… 16 personhours! 'touch grass' says the "epicurean" (read: emotional ascetic) who can't take an L (that didn't need to involve him in the first place).
i'm only on dbzer0 because of its position on the federation graph and its ostensible values. i think most people would be better off treating db0 the same way most anarchists — not radlibs — treat him and ziq: angry, unhelpful old person who yells at clouds, and occassionally says something unexpectedly wise, but you should never make eye contact.
In this case it’s been spread broadly that sony is imposing photo id checks, when as far as I can tell that’s a uk government policy sony is complying with.
but users wouldn't need to do that at all were it not for Sony requiring them to make an account that's obviously not required for the core functionality of the game.
Likewise “i’m concerned about data privacy” has been another key rallying call. The data Sony asks for, at least in the us, is entirely a matter of public record.
except Sony doesn't have that information right now; they don't know who i am, because i'm not in their primary dataset. 'that information is already out there' is different from 'that information is concentrated and correlated in the database of this service that i don't trust to keep that information to themselves and that i don't want to do business with.' for now, they only have a Steam ID, a display name, and a datacentre IP address. i don't run the game on my primary PC.
i don't give my name and address out to strangers on the street. the information is public, yes, but it's effectively private until i give them a reason and some key to finding that information. Sony might already have bought my information from some databroker, but for the time being that information doesn't correlate to any of their 'customers'.
yes, this is normal capitalist behaviour. yes, 'consumer "rights"' is not emancipatory. yes, there are class unconscious people involved here, and a lot of deskpounding capital-G Gamers.
… but i don't understand what the intent is with saying all of this. i don't really see the intent of saying 'it's public information' or 'it's just an account' or 'it's not Sony's fault' or 'corpo's gonna corpo'. it's not very insightful, or compassionate; it reads to me as condescending and defeatist. it reminds me of 'anti-idpol' talking points.
for most of these people, all they know how to do is rattle their chains. video games may just be treats, but i know people on disability who were only just starting to make new friends again thanks to this game because of the quality of the in-game 'community'. for some of them, it's the first time they've had fun in years. to me, it's about consent, and not being coerced into doing things for no benefit.
it's absolutely not okay what happened to one of the community managers. i see the hypocrisy in a bunch of ledditors defending peripheries. but i'm not seeing a great deal of insincerity, and i think this is a more credible issue than gamergate was. the developers are against this change also, and a community manager even said the review bomb and boycott is giving them leverage in their talks with Sony.
yes.
i don't like causing people harm; it's an accident, and i try to make it clear that i am sorry. but i also want to explain how/why i made my mistake, for them and for me to both understand how to prevent it happening again, and to make it clear that it wasn't intentional.
'oh so you're not sorry?' fuck off.
NTs are the most uncommunicative people i have ever met.
'your dad was a sacrifice that i'm willing to have made'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narodniks
i cannot see all that you originally wrote, but i would appreciate it if you didn't refer to queerness as a 'lifestyle'. like it's some kind of cohort, or like we have the option to be different. debasing queer identities because it frustrates some people is xenophobic (and for your rhetoric-poisoned brainworms: it's called an argumentum ad lapidem).
'leftist' spaces are constantly haunted by entryism and infiltration. your comment comes across as 'anti-idpol', which is a reactionary talking point that paints you either as alt-right, or someone who cannot tell the difference between political strategy and political theory. all struggles against oppression are important because they are struggles against oppression. 'compromising' on principles — especially for wider appeal — is for politicians, and unprincipled, conflict-avoidant, self-disrespecting liberals.
you wrote[0]:
If you can refute my (practically strawman) argument, i could change my opinion.
it is a strawman; it does not represent an actual position. and that is precisely why no one should, or shall, bother arguing with you.
Its hard to differentiate the intellectuals from the propagandists and simply too inexperienced.
you would fall into that last category.
so i ask that you disengage. you admitted that you are not politically aware enough to be having this discussion[1]. this is not the place for debate, and Hexbear users are not obliged to educate you.
from your other comment[1], i'd recommend you look into 'democratic socialism'. if you have questions, there's communities you can go to:
i picked dbzer0 because i do identify with anarchism, and i wanted an instance (outside the 'quarantine zone') that federates with Hexbear and Beehaw. i'm annoyed that my feed might be split; that a bunch of voluntaryist techbros are the justification; and that now some halfhearted debatebro is making the case for it.
so, please: be better, or stop.
this was originally supposed to be only two paragraphs, but it uh… expanded. but i feel like screaming into the void, so here goes.
wow. great timing. i was recently constructively terminated after over a decade in a 'flat hierarchy' company under very similar circumstances.
thanks to financialisation and an upcoming IPO: they started aggressively bullshitifying our day-to-day to fit investor expectations; 1:1 copy-pasting procedures and org charts from places like Amazon and Google without interrogating why they work like that. more than 2/3 of our job was now time estimation and timekeeping, and all of the engineering and maintenance work i was previously doing was outsourced, and instead i was being very obviously tricked into doing feature work on things literally no customer wanted, but which we needed to have because 'all the big players are doing it'. (this eventually included third-party '"AI"' — to replace already existing solutions to already solved problems, just so we could say we were doing it as if customers can somehow verify that or fucking care — my ethical reservations to which were a contributing factor to my demise.) for the first time ever, my performance reviews were poor because i was out of my element and completely disinterested and disengaged.
this after they internally promoted a coworker to be our 'lead', while maintaining the 'flat hierarchy' claim (under the usual 'we're a family' toxic rhetoric, but also 'we don't do hierarchies in this country').
a coworker who consistently gave me glowing performance reviews, but then reported to the C-suite that i was a 'culture issue' and that i lacked clear communication — coming from a person who never checked Slack or email and who regularly misread messages or shut down conversations around process to protect their ego, to a person who had sent over 70% of Slack messages in our team channel and who wrote almost all of the documentation and was treated like the office mom/secretary. (i had male coworkers regularly pressure me into writing their emails for them…)
a coworker who went on to sabotage all of our existing procedures which i had primarily designed and implemented because it didn't align with the vibes-based, top-down advice in the one-week managment seminars they were being sent on. granted, they didn't need much help with that: getting anyone to improve anything at that company was like herding cats if you weren't at least one step up on the org chart.
after years of burnout and postcovid malaise, months of medication shortages and being pestered about sixteen different things at once and only two of those things really being even remotely actionable, and once again being told i don't communicate enough: i went off. i demanded proof of my communication problems, and had receipts to knock down every example they had off the top of their head — some of which had been resolved years ago, but they conveniently forgot that, and i had to show them receipts also of when we already talked about those incidents. i responded on the spot with receipts of every time their own incompetence led to downtime or failed projects. in the end, they made it clear that it wasn't my communication that was poor, it was how i communicated — unemotional, clear, to-the-point — and (A) how i didn't clean their shoes, (B) how i didn't participate in the office plaguerat games, (C) how i didn't work overtime, and (D) how i didn't respond to every single message or request for 'a quick call' immediately no matter the time of day and with a resounding and positive 'yes, sure'. i was even told i don't use enough emoji. i repeated what i was seeing back to them, and their response was to sigh deeply, say it's 'not personal', deny my observations by saying it's 'just' about my 'communication problems', and then end the meeting early. surprisingly, no consequences for at least another quarter.
i had two more meltdowns after they got more and more aggressive, saying i should more actively solicit feedback on my work; work that was my sole domain. they started micromanaging and impulsively videocalling me to demand status reports. then issues started to pile up because task requirements were being filled incorrectly (by my manager), leading to incorrect work, which i was then blamed for for 'not asking' — as if i should always automatically assume that every task i'm given is incorrect and needs more clarification than 'is everything you wrote here accurate?' and confirming the usual bottom-up troubleshooting steps were done, or that i should just know precognitively what will go wrong in troubleshooting/implementation and what questions to ask before starting a task.
finally, the RTO order came, with a bonus PIP and a change of roles to put me physically next to my manager. because i love being hypersurveilled while trying to work. they refused my accommodations, telling me that i had 'lied' to them about my work, and that it was a 'privilege' that they would now revoke that i was allowed to work remote or skip unactionable, unnecessary meetings or have uninterrupted times of the day to focus. i also wouldn't be allowed headphones or music, and i would have to log what i did every day down to 5 minute intervals with doctor's notes for appointments, and my login, lunch, logout and appointment times would need to be preapproved (meaning: no more flex time to take care of myself, or my sick family member, who would now be left alone without care). my (now former) union said this is an 'internal dispute' and wouldn't help me. this was illegal on several levels, but i already pay an extremely high ADHD tax and i was too tired and overwhelmed to deal with any of this, so i dropped the receipts of my manager's fuckups to HR (which made the company more upset with me), along with my resignation.
i'm now effectively blacklisted in my industry in my area, because my current country operates almost entirely off nepotism hires, and word gets around. i want to switch careers, but to get work placement support, they want me to commit to going back, and i've told, kindly and not so kindly, 'no'.
the thought of interviewing (again) makes me feel physically sick, and every fibre of my being fucking hates the lying and manipulative games you have to play to get a job. getting ghosted by 200+ companies only for the one responsive employer to ghost-reject you really sets off an emotional spiral. i hate having to upsell myself. i hate that i can't answer 'why do you want this job' with 'because i like to eat'.
i'm trying to get trauma and ADHD treatment, but i used one too many big words so the psychologist told me i'm 'smart enough' to 'just handle it'. this set off another meltdown that put me out of commission for over a week, particularly because it reminded me of something my parents and teachers used to say to me all the time: 'you're so god damn smart, so why do you have to be so fucking stupid?'
something something i want to break an ablebodied neurotypical's kneecaps and destroy capitalism. i don't know how to end this comment.