I relate to that rant big time. I had so much built in doubt about communism to call myself that even though my politics have actually been ML more or less since I got into radical politics as a teen 15 years ago, I just arrogantly believed it was my cool and smart way of achieving anarchy that no one had thought of before, when I talked about it with that mindset I was routinely agreed with. Now that I actually put the work in and given proper credit I'm taken less seriously and the anarchists around me are for the most part the same, Marxists who call themselves anarchists because it's the cool ideology that punks have