The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love is a book by bell hooks about men, patriarchy, the relationship between them, and most importantly love. It's a book that I wish I had read much earlier, and so I decided to start a reading group. I'm a couple chapters in but will be re-reading (well, re-listening) to the chapters as we go through the book. This book is an empathetic look at masculinity, and focuses on learning how to love.
This idea was spawned by comrade @Othello@hexbear.net after I mentioned that I had been checking out the book and played the first chapter on Hextube. There is no need to pick up a copy, comrade Sen has already uploaded the entire audiobook onto Youtube. Content warnings are generously provided by Sen at the start of each chapter. Let's start with Chapter 1. Each chapter is only about 30 minutes long, so it's not a long commitment. I wanted to post this to c/menby but that didn't seem to work.
Uhh I don't know how to lead a reading group so let's start out with some questions:
-What stood out to you about this chapter?
-Are there any ideas that bell hooks introduces in this chapter that you've never heard of or wish you had heard earlier in your life?
-Are there any stories in this chapter that resonate with you on a personal level?
This thread came up at the perfect time, I am just about to finish reading 'Men Who Hate Women', looking at the same themes from the perspective of how men hate, rather than why men lose the ability to love.
https://www.calton-books.co.uk/books/men-who-hate-women-from-incels-to-pickup-artists-the-truth-about-extreme-misogyny-and-how-it-affects-us-all/
The first chapter of 'The Will to Change' was a good introduction to the topics the book will cover. Some quotes from the first chapter that resonated with me:
"he was fundamentally uncomfortable being asked to talk about emotions"
"the grief men feel about the failure of love goes unnoticed in our society, precisely because the patriarchal culture in our society does not care if men are happy"
"he continues to grapple with the issue of whether he will define himself, or allow himself to be defined by patriarchal standards"
"again and again, a man would tell me about early childhood: feelings of emotional exuberance, of unrepressed joy, of feeling connected to life and to other people, and then a rupture happened, a disconnect; and that feeling of being loved, of being embraced, was gone. Somehow, a test of manhood, men told me, was the willingness to accept this loss, to not speak it, even in private grief"
Looking forward to the next chapters and discussions.