im not equipped with the right theory to explain this rn but this shits gotta be an expression of patriarchy, right?
expecting a partner to be like a mother is expecting them to perform all the domestic labor for free and shit
and Freud talking about it like a universal psychological thing makes sense coming from highly patriarchal europe at the time, where basically every man was socialised to be an abusive manchild who lords over the women in a household. expressing economics & power dynamics in psychological terms necessarily sounds stupid but the nut of real was under there & that's why people connected with his work
The labor part is there, but there’s more to it. I feel like my analysis kinda branches away from materialism so I wanted to acknowledge it.
The ‘mommy’ thing is an outgrowth of toxic masculinity. The only time a man is ‘allowed’ to be weak is when his social life is defined by being a child and son, where most of the comfort and nurture comes from his mother. Since the expectation is that a man, and by extension boyfriend, is hard, stoic, and alone, guys are caught in a contradiction between what’s expected of them and their need to feel loved. It’s hard to imagine a relationship where a girlfriend is ok with their boyfriend being emotional and ‘weak,’ so they imagine a relationship that takes the shape of the only other time it was ok for them to be nurtured; that of a mother and child.
Now this obviously has a lot of baggage and is unhealthy, but I think it is a natural reaction to the cultural conditions men grow up in.
Also, I don’t mean to excuse any of Kanna’s or Tankgirls experiences, just try and explain why I think this exists.
This is the best explanation I've seen on this so far. The other explanations of "they want their girlfriend to be a mom and take care of everything for them", while good, don't apply to men that are fine and enjoy being independent but still fall into this weird sexist "mommy gf" thing.
And even looking at the text of the meme (lol) it seems like the majority of descriptors are about being supported, which, in isolation seem entirely reasonable. Some of those other descriptors are real problematic though, which is why it’s such a complicated topic
There's probably a bit of toxic masculinity starving dudes of basic human tenderness in this, yeah. Especially preventing them from expressing that toward each other, so that they exclusively seek it out from women.
Yeah it seems like the modern experience of alienation and the overhanging effects of a patriarchal society have left a lot of young guys with a genuine starvation of kindness or physical affection from others, and they end up abstracting that sincere starvation of love and emotional fulfilment into the most-similar experience they've had in their lives, with their mother.
Lord knows I can sympathize with being romantically deprived, or feeling empty and emotionally unfulfilled, but the healthy way to reckon with that is to take that longing and focus it into being a giving and active partner in a relationship with someone who enthusiastically reciprocates, not marrying some mythical ur-matriarch that will give them a completely one-sided, unqualified avenue of love framed around replicating the (possibly) sole female authority figure in their lives that social mores expects to give love and affection.
Edit: Should note I'm trying to come at the more charitable angle of all this. There's also the deeply sexist angle that can sometimes be at play, with a more conscious objectification of women as mother figures, and the subsequent feeling of entitlement to their affection without reciprocation.
Yeah. There are so many fucked-up ways that can go for people, and having spent so much of my life online I'm pretty sure I've seen most of those ways by now. :doomer:
im not equipped with the right theory to explain this rn but this shits gotta be an expression of patriarchy, right?
expecting a partner to be like a mother is expecting them to perform all the domestic labor for free and shit
and Freud talking about it like a universal psychological thing makes sense coming from highly patriarchal europe at the time, where basically every man was socialised to be an abusive manchild who lords over the women in a household. expressing economics & power dynamics in psychological terms necessarily sounds stupid but the nut of real was under there & that's why people connected with his work
idk maybe im talking outta my ass
100%
The labor part is there, but there’s more to it. I feel like my analysis kinda branches away from materialism so I wanted to acknowledge it.
The ‘mommy’ thing is an outgrowth of toxic masculinity. The only time a man is ‘allowed’ to be weak is when his social life is defined by being a child and son, where most of the comfort and nurture comes from his mother. Since the expectation is that a man, and by extension boyfriend, is hard, stoic, and alone, guys are caught in a contradiction between what’s expected of them and their need to feel loved. It’s hard to imagine a relationship where a girlfriend is ok with their boyfriend being emotional and ‘weak,’ so they imagine a relationship that takes the shape of the only other time it was ok for them to be nurtured; that of a mother and child.
Now this obviously has a lot of baggage and is unhealthy, but I think it is a natural reaction to the cultural conditions men grow up in.
Also, I don’t mean to excuse any of Kanna’s or Tankgirls experiences, just try and explain why I think this exists.
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This is the best explanation I've seen on this so far. The other explanations of "they want their girlfriend to be a mom and take care of everything for them", while good, don't apply to men that are fine and enjoy being independent but still fall into this weird sexist "mommy gf" thing.
And even looking at the text of the meme (lol) it seems like the majority of descriptors are about being supported, which, in isolation seem entirely reasonable. Some of those other descriptors are real problematic though, which is why it’s such a complicated topic
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Idk it seems more like a function of alienation to me
porque no los dos,
but a sexpest manchild doesn't get a pass for being alienated :fash-bash:
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There's probably a bit of toxic masculinity starving dudes of basic human tenderness in this, yeah. Especially preventing them from expressing that toward each other, so that they exclusively seek it out from women.
patriarchy harms us all
Yeah it seems like the modern experience of alienation and the overhanging effects of a patriarchal society have left a lot of young guys with a genuine starvation of kindness or physical affection from others, and they end up abstracting that sincere starvation of love and emotional fulfilment into the most-similar experience they've had in their lives, with their mother.
Lord knows I can sympathize with being romantically deprived, or feeling empty and emotionally unfulfilled, but the healthy way to reckon with that is to take that longing and focus it into being a giving and active partner in a relationship with someone who enthusiastically reciprocates, not marrying some mythical ur-matriarch that will give them a completely one-sided, unqualified avenue of love framed around replicating the (possibly) sole female authority figure in their lives that social mores expects to give love and affection.
Edit: Should note I'm trying to come at the more charitable angle of all this. There's also the deeply sexist angle that can sometimes be at play, with a more conscious objectification of women as mother figures, and the subsequent feeling of entitlement to their affection without reciprocation.
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Yeah. There are so many fucked-up ways that can go for people, and having spent so much of my life online I'm pretty sure I've seen most of those ways by now. :doomer: