To live a miserable life as a nihilist, not knowing that there is an alternative future to capitalism that is bound to triumph over its rotting corpse.
Opposite for me. I stumbled into being a leftist after my first job out of confusion, but I felt more stable before. I was a child before, so I don't know which did what. I do remember feeling more comfortable as an American, like I had some kind of shared heritage and shared project with everyone around me, even if we'd fight over stuff.
After getting into communism I've only been really sad about the state of the world and my probable fate of working for landlords and bosses completely up their own butts with entrepreneur mindset. I'm more comfortable with myself personally, but I tend to fall on the pessimistic side of world affairs.
What's the one really good line from Disco Elysium? "He started to think Kras Mazov invented theory to spite him personally." That's how it is for me sometimes. I see reactionary tendencies everywhere, in normal everyday people. I see them chasing stupid business ideas or holding contempt for the homeless. I don't think I'm super moral or anything, but it's hard to ignore just how impacted everything is by capitalism
0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin. All he has managed to do is make himself sad. He is starting to suspect Kras Mazov fucked him over personally with his socio-economic theory. It has, however, made him into a very, very smart boy with something like a university degree in Truth. Instead of building Communism, he now builds a precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world.
To be a lib is to be perpetually frustrated and confused, though, at why so many people do not vote for the centrist party.
:grillman: the key to an even cook when grilling is to use indirect heat; preferably having a dual zone set up within your cooking device.
Things are presumably a lot less confusing as a communist, at the very least. I don't know that I'm happier now though, since I sometimes dwell on how fucking vast the suffering has been and how long it has been endured.
As someone who was flirting with fascism, yes it's hollow and very empty. Life has not been easier as a communist, but at least I finally have a grounded, mature, understanding of how the world really works.
It certainly isn't easy or fun to understand those things in a world full of people who don't. Sometimes I feel like I'm just trying to point out the sky is blue, and instead of looking up to see for themselves, they look up just enough to look at me like I'm the dumbest person alive before going back to looking at their feet.
But, what's the quote? "Is it better to be a pig pleased or Socrates displeased?"
I dunno how many are aware enough. Just an inexplicable sense of misery disconnected from their understanding of material conditions. As I've heard someone say, fish don't know they're swimming in water.
I know who is screwing me over and why, I know life isn't randomly unfair, I know why all the things in the world are happening. I hate it, but it is comforting to understand.
It must suck to be constantly jockeying for socioeconomic position, and constantly in fear that someone's going to outclass you.
