Russia-Ukraine Megathread 34

CARCOSA [they/them] · edit-2 3 years ago

Russia-Ukraine Megathread 34

Wertheimer [any] · 3 years ago

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—With the final casualty figures still being determined, encouraging reports confirmed that multiple devastating explosions outside a large public school in western Kabul Wednesday had not killed any Ukrainian civilians. “We can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that while the dead are still being counted, zero Ukrainian residents appear to have been harmed in these fatal bombings,” said Secretary of State Antony Blinken, adding that the Pentagon would continue to keep a close watch on the scene of the attacks, in which hospital staff indicated 15 had died and 49 had been wounded, and in which none of the victims had any known ties to the people or culture of Ukraine. “We asked our sources in Afghanistan to assign bodies recovered from the rubble to one of two categories—‘Ukrainian’ or ‘not Ukrainian’—and so far all of the dead and maimed individuals have thankfully fallen into the latter category. We have also issued a formal diplomatic statement requesting that rescue workers prioritize any cries for help spoken in a Slavic language.” Blinken went on to say it was still too early to determine whether this gruesome series of attacks in Afghanistan’s capital was a Russian attempt to assassinate Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky.

( https://www.theonion.com/encouraging-reports-confirm-explosions-near-afghan-scho-1848813111 )

Leper_Messiah [he/him] · 3 years ago

The Onion never misses, do they?

SeventyTwoTrillion [he/him] · 3 years ago

Well, there was that one time...

Wertheimer [any] · 3 years ago

Marxists' Apartment A Microcosm Of Why Marxism Doesn't Work would be the Babylon Bee's greatest article.

ClathrateG [none/use name] · 3 years ago

diamond joe