I study architecture, I’ve been at this school going on 3 years now although I’ve only completed my first year before taking a break. I think I’ve been subject to abusive behavior by administrators, teachers, and students. I’ve overheard school secretaries refer to me as ‘the ugly one’, teachers talk down to me, students heckle me while I present my projects, and it’s obvious this is motivated by transphobic bigotry.
I emailed the lady in charge of my program, the person who recruited me because I felt like she might be someone I can confide in. I detailed several stories and instances of harassment.
She wrote back to me today saying,
‘I hope you find yourself well, I profoundly regret that you’ve felt this way at the School.
The Dean of the school and I want to schedule a meeting with you next week to discuss this situation, preferably in the morning and not on tuesday since she has class.
Thanks’
I honestly don’t know what I expected from the email I sent. I just wanted to share my pain with someone, someone I barely know but think might be an ally since they recruited me in the first place. I don’t and didn’t expect them to actually do anything about it.
Am I wrong for reading this response and thinking none of these people actually care, and that they’re going to run a train on my ass in the meeting to cover up any legal issues?
Should I, like, be bringing a lawyer or something?
Idrk but if it was me I’d just go in good faith that they want to try and see what they can do to make the school a more welcoming place in the future for other trans students.
Good luck Comrade hope it goes well.
Do you think it’s sus that she said ‘sorry you feel this way’ instead of ‘I’m sorry those things happened’? Or am i just being overly sensitive? because it’s almost like she’s suggesting im misinterpreting things or doesn’t believe these things happened.
In the bureaucracy that is modern academia it could just be on-paper ass covering since this is an email. That could mean ass-covering because they sympathize and want to speak in person before moving ahead with some kind of up-the-chain action to protect you, or it could mean ass-covering because they don't want the smoke and just want to go through the motions and sweep it under the rug. This isn't helpful but maybe it's not a lost cause?
She might be subtly trying to avoid taking direct responsibility for a hostile campus environment, but at the same time could still want to try and make it better in the future.
It’s the typical evasive way of speaking most people in power use. The vagueness is the point, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they will be hostile to understanding the problems you’ve faced.
I can't speak for your case, but usually when i say "sorry you feel this way" i actually mean it, it's just that I don't know what else to say in these situations
Its the same thing as, "never say you are sorry if you were in a fender bender, it is possible that a lawyer could use those words and claim that you were admitting fault." They don't know what happened, they might not ever be able to know what happened, so need to avoid any phrases that could be interpreted as "admitting guilt or acknowledging wrongdoing."
Doesn't have to mean they don't care about you or the situation but have to play the word game because this could become a legal issue.
oh god what have i gotten myself into. NGL i already feel embarrassed about sending the email. I’m not a lawyer and I’m not quick on my feet. I really, really hope this is not some interrogation where they get me to say something extremely dumb.
Take a deep breath. Its going to be okay.
If you start to feel uncomfortable in the meeting, for any reason, you can always try to let them know and reschedule the meeting at a later date to give you time to collect yourself. If they start to get shitty about it, then that could be a red flag that you definitely need to come back with some outside support.
Contact any advocacy services to bring someone from them as a support person. Most campuses will have a student advocate as a part of the student union.
You may also be able to find a support person in any local LGBT organisations.
Failing an ‘official’ support person, bring along a friend. Even if they just sit there, having someone else to observe will make the school tread more carefully, and give a second perspective to help you confirm how fucked up the response is.
At this stage a lawyer is overkill, especially if you have to pay for it.
There are no groups for my demo around here, nobody gives a fuck about people like me. I’m thinking about just not replying because all I really want is a shoulder to cry on and it’s clear from this response that’s not what I’m going to get. It was emotionally charged without being accusatory or offensive, I’ve at least got this on record so the next person who harasses me will bear the full weight of consequences.
You need to take notes, including all names, dates and times that you can remember. It will be very important to have documentation of any abuse you have suffered that is as specific as possible. When you hear an insult you should write it down verbatim. This record can help you corroborate your allegations.
When you meet with the Dean and your program head, try to audio record the meeting. If you cannot bring a notepad and write as much down as possible including direct quotes, preferably on paper. Try to add timestamps to your notes.
You might bring a recording device and ask if you can record the meeting and provide all parties involved a copy. All parties in the room need to be identified, first/last name, position, reason for being there, date/time of the recording, the purpose of the meeting, if anybody enters or leaves the room, etc.
Take lots of notes.
Start thinking about what you would "want" to be done about what you've experienced. Its probably something that you should come to the table with. It gives them something to go off of as well as something for you to use to gauge their concern/ability to give you remedy.
Maybe see about having legal counsel present. Are there any appropriate advocacy groups nearby that seem okay? Maybe they have somebody who can sit in and help advocate for you if you don't want to go full lawyer. (and they might do it for free)
I personally wouldn't lawyer up yet just bc of expense. Hope it's not a hostile meeting.
In my undergrad I spent a good bit of time trying to squeeze information out of admin about a Title IX case. Everyone was very cagey in writing but loose lips in person. Bring a notepad.
If you have anyone to corroborate your experiences that might go a long way like anyone from your classes that can vouch for anything you experienced. I would definitely check your state laws about recording the meeting, I believe most states don't require telling anyone you're recording. Sometimes I record meetings and interviews anyway so I can at least take notes later on or just see how I sound. Maybe ask someone to video record your projects next time you present also. I hope you find some solutions, sounds like hell.
If you can bring a lawyer and have access to one, do so to show that you mean business. The intimidation factor alone may get more done.
