Recently I've been coming more to terms with the fact that I want to transition hormonally but as a fat person as well as someone who doesn't really want to dress super feminine it feels kinda impossible.
I know I'm not alone in this feeling but I just felt like venting a bit and wishing there was some more visibility for fat trans people y'know?
Hey OP, i don’t want to give too many details a out myself irl on this website but as far as the contradiction between wanting to transition and not wanting to be feminine, i ended up settling for a butch look, and i have never once regretted transitioning. i don’t want to be forced into performing femininity when i don’t want to— and it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that i can feel that way about femininity while also wanting to be a woman.
be you. being trans is all about being the you that you want to be, in spite of what society tries to force you to do. much love, OP
Yeah coming to the realisation that I can be trans and butch has been life changing for me.
I do know a lot of trans femme people with eating disorders (like anorexia or bulimia). I dont know the rates, but I would not be surprised if the rate of eating disorders is substantially higher in the trans population than in the cis population. It would be nice to see more visibly fat trans people who are happy, I agree, it would be good for all of us. You don't have to be skinny to be trans, I tell myself that a lot... I love all my gnc trans peeps that fuck with gender. It always makes my heart fill with joy to see them in public, makes me feel braver too.
Prior to transition I was very overweight. I had done like crash diets and i always tried to keep it off but it just never happened. After I transitioned I found it was easier psychologically to maintain a healthy body weight; even with it being harder to burn fat on E. I guess what I am saying is that mental health is physical health and sometimes one symptom is related to another. Not saying it is easy to manage weight, it is still a battle for me, but I find it easier when I am not battling myself. Be kind to yourself comrade.
Edit: Just for point of reference about a year before I started hrt I had a complete mental breakdown quit my job and moved back in with my parents to get help. At that point I was 430. I went down to like 170 over the next year and have hovered between that and 190 ever since, and it has been about 5 years. So like it is possible, but it's not easy and really takes a radical change to your life and relationship with food. Becoming a vegetarian has helped as well as becoming sober, was a real bad alcoholic. No junk food, no fast food, takes a lot if meal prep and discipline. I find I am happier, but then again I probably have several eating disorders so ymmv.
I'm not trans so this might be way off base so
It seems to me that being trans is discovering who you are and transitioning to that rather than live the lie that you aren't how you necessarily present. All that seems tough on the gender side; I can only imagine. If you want to be thinner maybe work towards that, too? I'm a big guy and I totally understand that this part can be hard as hell. I live that struggle. Short, fat, and bald. I'm a nightmare on Tinder. But I digress: being thin or completely feminine in a socially traditional way isn't the only way to be and maybe who you are is a little bit different and that's fine. Also there are fat women so why not fat transwomen? Don't mean to sound disrespectful but I like big girls so there are people out there who will validate you and desire you for who you know you are. Also want to say that's its okay to feel down sometimes and stepped on by society. Being strong doesn't mean you never feel defeated or unsure; it means you forge ahead regardless just like you've always done... because you are strong. I believe in you and I believe you will find your way and become the person you know you are. Trust the process and keep working at it. Self improvement is a never ending journey.
