People here are saying that romance and sex can be disconnected, and I'm sure that rings true for a lot of people, but for me, the sexuality is a core part of romance. Like, it's really, "do I wanna fuck this person?"

there's also an aspect of like, "do I want to be this person's main emotional support and vice versa" Like, i'll always be there for most of my friends, but only my boyfriend can have a breakdown every night in my bedroom without that being an issue.

Friendship feelings also feel different in a subtle way, like, hanging out with a friend feels like solving a puzzle. Hanging out with a crush feels like playing a familiar song on guitar. It's just a different vibe.

I think "romance" is a lot of stuff packaged together, stuff about how you feel, where you put up boundaries, how you touch. And like, even with my boyfriend my feelings toward them fluctuate and sometimes they do feel more like a friend, just how it is if you know people for years.

That was pretty meandering, but I hope it helps.

As an addendum: As frustrating as it is, there aren't really hard and fast rules for the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. People all have different private definitions, and different parts of each set of concepts carry different weights to different people. What makes the concepts easier for NTs is that NTs are very comfortable in this ambiguity (even when it's actively making life harder) and just kind of navigate these concepts by feel instead of by defining and investigating them.

Sometimes it's best to ask "what does your body feel like and how do you want to relate to me physically / socially / sexually"