this is a question I ask myself a lot, because I'm also very exhausted by interaction with people outside of basic pleasantries. I don't hate people, but I can tell something is very wrong when I spend time with them more than perhaps ten minutes. I've done org work and even union organizing, but things had to remain very on-topic, involve a lot of awkward silence (for hours), or else I started feeling very, very bad.
My particular illness has been diagnosed as "avoidant personality disorder" by a few doctors if that helps.
and my personal political inclination is the realization that left-wing politics would be most beneficial to me personally. I hate paying rent, hate my job, and I want better/free healthcare.
This is more understandable to me. I certainly get having anxiety around social situations, and focusing on a specific task rather than socializing, It's just that, theory without praxis is just navel-gazing, which is fine, but it kinda defeats the purpose of being a leftist, unless you take the option the whole facade will simply crumble on its own (which is possible) but even then, understanding how that will affect your own community is how change is made.
Oh yeah, I came to that realization myself a while ago, that if I'm doing nothing then I'm essentially just an extra angry liberal. And that over a long enough time span, being alone and head full of angry leftist thoughts would transform me into a bitter, incomprehensible crank. I didn't want that, and unfortunately I think I'm halfway there already.
So I have done work, handed out food, lots of things. Never manifested a friendship though, that just doesn't seem to work. Puzzle pieces don't fit. I haven't accomplished much either, like at this point it feels like the praxis was just done out of personal validation more than anything else. It's kept me relatively normal. I have some ability to talk with other people for a few minutes at a time.
I agree with everything you said and I am happy to hear your progress. That being said, I am of the opinion that old age makes incomprehensible cranks of us all. Too much time, not enough similar cultural touchstones, etc.
Friendship is a difficult thing and rarely comes out of politics. Too much jockeying and signalling. You'd be better off trying to make friends at a dart league, even if you have to deal with the occasional off-color comment or stupid political opinion. However, in my experience you'll find people are, in general, more accepting of weird leftist bullshit than you'd think, and are even more accepting of it if they already like you for other reasons.
maybe someday i'll fully give up and :william-van-spronsen: but otherwise, until society changes enough to be accessible, i'm stuck being a bookshelf or cussing out people online.
in the meantime it would be cool if folks would stop replying to "x is hard" with "just try to do x anyway"
William Van Spronson had a long and productive life within the anarchist mileau of the U.S. long before before he decided to be a martyr. He went out and talked to people for a long time before he decided to take matters into his own hands.
I'm not saying 'just do x anyways'. I'm saying that telling other people that 'x is self-harm' when, for most leftist people, it's really not, is self-defeating, nihilistic and non-materialist.
Imo, communism isn't about being correct online, it's about theorizing and then building structures to supplant and combat capitalism. Cussing out people online is fine, it's just that if that is all you do you will form a warped perspective of 'people' because this is an awful Skinner box that is generally only reflective of the most anti-social aspects of humanity. Again, imo.
and i said that it feels like self-harm. you know, to me. because it does. But i'm sure you know my suffering better than I do. Putting myself in social situations that make me want to die is definitely going to meaningfully contribute to the revolution.
this is a question I ask myself a lot, because I'm also very exhausted by interaction with people outside of basic pleasantries. I don't hate people, but I can tell something is very wrong when I spend time with them more than perhaps ten minutes. I've done org work and even union organizing, but things had to remain very on-topic, involve a lot of awkward silence (for hours), or else I started feeling very, very bad.
My particular illness has been diagnosed as "avoidant personality disorder" by a few doctors if that helps.
and my personal political inclination is the realization that left-wing politics would be most beneficial to me personally. I hate paying rent, hate my job, and I want better/free healthcare.
This is more understandable to me. I certainly get having anxiety around social situations, and focusing on a specific task rather than socializing, It's just that, theory without praxis is just navel-gazing, which is fine, but it kinda defeats the purpose of being a leftist, unless you take the option the whole facade will simply crumble on its own (which is possible) but even then, understanding how that will affect your own community is how change is made.
Oh yeah, I came to that realization myself a while ago, that if I'm doing nothing then I'm essentially just an extra angry liberal. And that over a long enough time span, being alone and head full of angry leftist thoughts would transform me into a bitter, incomprehensible crank. I didn't want that, and unfortunately I think I'm halfway there already.
So I have done work, handed out food, lots of things. Never manifested a friendship though, that just doesn't seem to work. Puzzle pieces don't fit. I haven't accomplished much either, like at this point it feels like the praxis was just done out of personal validation more than anything else. It's kept me relatively normal. I have some ability to talk with other people for a few minutes at a time.
I agree with everything you said and I am happy to hear your progress. That being said, I am of the opinion that old age makes incomprehensible cranks of us all. Too much time, not enough similar cultural touchstones, etc.
Friendship is a difficult thing and rarely comes out of politics. Too much jockeying and signalling. You'd be better off trying to make friends at a dart league, even if you have to deal with the occasional off-color comment or stupid political opinion. However, in my experience you'll find people are, in general, more accepting of weird leftist bullshit than you'd think, and are even more accepting of it if they already like you for other reasons.
maybe someday i'll fully give up and :william-van-spronsen: but otherwise, until society changes enough to be accessible, i'm stuck being a bookshelf or cussing out people online.
in the meantime it would be cool if folks would stop replying to "x is hard" with "just try to do x anyway"
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William Van Spronson had a long and productive life within the anarchist mileau of the U.S. long before before he decided to be a martyr. He went out and talked to people for a long time before he decided to take matters into his own hands.
I'm not saying 'just do x anyways'. I'm saying that telling other people that 'x is self-harm' when, for most leftist people, it's really not, is self-defeating, nihilistic and non-materialist.
Imo, communism isn't about being correct online, it's about theorizing and then building structures to supplant and combat capitalism. Cussing out people online is fine, it's just that if that is all you do you will form a warped perspective of 'people' because this is an awful Skinner box that is generally only reflective of the most anti-social aspects of humanity. Again, imo.
His name was Willem.
and i said that it feels like self-harm. you know, to me. because it does. But i'm sure you know my suffering better than I do. Putting myself in social situations that make me want to die is definitely going to meaningfully contribute to the revolution.