Like don't make yourself miserable trying to appeal to the crowd, but it's okay to want to be liked, ie have friends and community. I've done plenty of mid shit just because my friends enjoyed it.
I will say - it's okay to do mid shit bc your friends enjoy it, but that kind of compassionate concession should go both ways. Your friends should be willing to do stuff with you even if it's not the coolest thing for them. Like neither of you should be expected to do things they actively dislike, but going to a movie you're just so/so about or taking in a local music performance that's just okay? Things like that are important for shoring up and maintaining friendships.
I mean I hate the whole "be yourself" bullshit. People hate me. But if I wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, say the right things people love me. I will always be happier being loved and accepted over being "myself", but theres a point where you hate the person you pretend to be, and accept endless bullshit just to be liked. thats also unbearable. So I have crafted my "outside" personality or mask to retain the core elements of who I am but with a cool likeable veneer. it works.
So much of the "be yourself" stuff is misguided. We feel pressured to conform to weird standards by massive media and social pressure and if we don't conform to that pressure to some degree we're all going to have trouble. Like even if you don't care about it, styling your hair some kind of way is going to improve how people see you. Whether that's getting a hawk for the punks or a clean crew cut for the suits hair matters, even to people who don't care much about hair. Same thing with clothes - learning how to dress to fit your sub-culture of choice helps like recognize like, sets you apart as having a culture,
Figuring out a personal style or learning to cop fashion trends, assuming you're at least okay at it and it's targetted towards the people you want to be around, is just going to help. People who put some degree of effort in to how they dress are almost always more visually appealing. Wearing the right shibboleths - a band t-shirt, a battle jacket, docs, a carabiner and keys, a red and black bandana, is going to make certain people categorize you as "people like us" instead of "the other" (though beware accusations of being a poser. People can say we're in a post-authenticiy age all they want, but culture soldiers on regardless).
Hopefully you can find stuff you don't hate - textures and fabrics that feel good, clothing pieces that flatter your shape, colors and patterns that appeal to you, and work that in to a look.
colors and patterns that appeal to you
What if you're doing that already? And you look like shit? And that's half the problem?
I wish this was followed by concrete advice instead of "wear what looks good on you." What if you don't have the skill to judge? It's like asking you to fix your own plumbing. Technically do-able, but really not.
taste is something that is refined. head over to the fashion com we have if you haven't already. also get something like pinterest or tic tok for style inspiration, there lots of accounts all about how to dress well.
I mean I hate the whole "be yourself" bullshit.
Back when I was adrift, people always gave me this "advice". It was the worst advice possible. "Being myself" was precisely what people didn't like! I needed to change! But, to what? I had no idea.
I eventually found out...after too much time had passed. Better late than never, I guess. Still, I could have enjoyed my teens and twenties.
yeah im glad I was really into vlogbrothers as a teen as cringy as it sounds. John green convinced me "be yourself" was adult nonsense and I should be whoever I wanted to be.
Morally? No, people do that all the time.
Psychically? Yes, you will corrupt your own soul and be forever be haunted with doubt and uncertainty if you only chase the approval of others. That fountain will sour and run dry quickly.
Same. But if we die, that's four (or so) less fists when the Fascists come. And we really should debate them in the real marketplace of ideas.
seems to me that pursuing things you are actually interested is more likely to lead to mastery and confidence
It depends on the things; if they're self-destructive, destructive, misanthropic, and anti-social, then no. Don't be a bully if your friends are bullies, don't follow them to their oblivion if they are self-destructive (by all means help them but don't ruin your life for them), don't hurt others because they also hurt others, etc.
For all other things, it's fine. Just try not to be invested into it so you don't become bored.
It's not bad, if you enjoy doing them. And honestly if doing something makes you feel cool and good about yourself and isn't hurting people around you then...yeah you should absolutely do it. It sounds like you need to do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself, and I'd say that "things that make you feel cool" are absolutely worth doing in that context
Its ok to do stuff because you want others to like you. Other people probably do stuff they don't like so you like them. I think that's like the basis of society really.
All relationships involve compromise. The important thing is that it's not mostly compromise on anyone's part; you're going to do stuff that's mid or worse just because your friends want to do it, and that's fine so long as you're enjoying the overall relationship.
Its okay if you want to. I for myself dont care whether other people like me so thats not a motivation for me.
not at all
everyone here should be blasting cigs because smoking is cool
As long as your idea of cool isn't actually making people miserable for a city block around (that's right, fuck you carbrains rattling the block's windows and floorboards at 3am), I think it's worthwhile to try. Friends are good.
