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- download every episode of Winnie the Poo
- navigate to Tienanmen Square daily
- record yourself feeding sparrows every morning
You will be immediately classified as a high threat target and directly monitored by Xi Jinping.
It's true, I did this and Xi used Juche necromancy (which he learned from the evil Kim Jong un) to resurrect Mao, who then proceeded to make me endure a struggle session and then sent me to the countryside to chop trees.
Make sure to not have anything google-related installed. Google is CIA
Definitely don't use twitter of Facebook as well. The firm that manages authentication for Twitter is Israeli intelligence
