I went from being a happy kid that smiled all the time, enjoyed drawing and had several friends to a pathetic adult with no talents, passion, creativity, friends or a job. Just a worthless and unlovable failure. And recently it's gotten so bad that I've started cutting myself and contemplating suicide. I just don't believe I have what it takes to get my life together, sadly.
Please reach out to whatever support group you can find. Some places have free counselling available if you don't have health insurance. Depression can happen to anybody and it is not your fault. Life happens, things happen, and its not always stuff you can control.
I've dealt with suicidal thoughts before, if you ever want or need to vent just send a DM.