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    • kristina [she/her]
      ·
      edit-2
      4 years ago

      my transition was weird. in appearance, i seemed to have a weird back and forth. first i started out a twink, then a femboy, then so androgynous that i got hit on by both straight men and women, followed up with passing and not passing intermittently. now it seems im just passing all the time even though I feel like i don't look much different than a year ago when things were stop and go.

      looking back on my pics, i obviously look way different 4ish years into hrt. than i did 1st or 2nd year. but its still hard for me to not look at things like my chin or my lips and be like 'MAN'.

      i mean the obvious reason that i'd envy the boug is i want a vagina and a boug could get one.

      and tbh i wish i could see me the way my boyfriend sees me. he's a very handsome guy, very strong, can throw me across the room very easily. he thinks that i'm way out of his league and has been consistent on that. he thinks i look like a supermodel or something and i just don't see it. i look like a sick person with tremors imo.

        • kristina [she/her]
          ·
          4 years ago

          yeah i seemed to have issues with spiro so that has been causing me some hormonal issues lately. like my body suddenly decided it didnt like it.

          and maybe i can be. like id only know for certain that i had dysmorphia if i got surgeries done i think. if im still angry with my body id accept it was definitely dysmorphia.

          hrt makes me feel so good in comparison to how i was before that i know for certain that i am never stopping it, so theres also a chemical dysphoric component to my situation i think

            • kristina [she/her]
              ·
              4 years ago

              yeah the antiandrogens are kinda gnarly but i worry about messing up my srs if i go for testicle removal before it. i'm just not lucky when it comes to surgeries

    • kristina [she/her]
      ·
      edit-2
      4 years ago

      It also means sometimes I’ll drop that I’m trans (because it’s so obvious isn’t it?) and folks will express surprise, which surprises me.

      also same. like i had to go to the hospital once for stomach issues and the nurse was absolutely convinced i was pregnant and i kept trying to explain i was trans and she was like 'oh youre starting testosterone? that might be it'. it was funny but i was so bewildered that she knew what trans was and assumed i was the opposite.