Suicide is by essence a revolutionary act. Yet, the most it is capable of being is revolutionary in the strictly idealist sense, not at the fault of the individual by any means. Dialectics emphasizes constant contradictions between opposing forces in society. Seeing society as always in fight between opposing forces is the crucial part of dialectical materialism, which is rooted in the materialist conception of history, rather than in the idealist notion. By materialism, it simply means that the contradictions lie in the material reality of individuals, primarily in the way society organizes its relationship with the means of production. When one fails to understand mental health through the dialectic lens, one fails to consider the class struggles rooted in mental illness, in disability, and in the way support itself is provided. Rehabilitation and asylum are nothing more than slavery of the mind. They restrict the very autonomy of the people they mean to provide, by reducing and isolating a person's mental illness or disability as a product of their individual (and not collective) reality. When reality is made to reduce a person to their individuality, stripped of any collective ways they can understand their material world, they are bound to end up into idealistic notions of thinking. When the systemic way classes are organized fails to be taught to a person struggling with disability, and how their disability is a product of their class struggle, affecting every single way they act, think, and behave, when this is reduced to being biological, being biological combined with social, being biological, social and environmental, there is no surprise that even with the so called social model of disability, with being 'eclectic', with being 'intersectional', one is still unable to come in terms with their material reality, and as such, falls into idealism. Their idealism is not their fault, but the fault of the material reality they are presented with. It is the fault of the system divided in classes, by means of oppression of the minority class over the majority through the brutal rule of capital over love, capital over compassion, and capital over actual support that can be provided. Understanding history is understanding the contradiction not just between idealism and materialism, but between dialectical idealism and dialectical materialism. Dialectical materialism plays its role in every force of nature, and as such, the act of suicide cannot escape the material reality it is tied to. Suicide is the synthesis of the thesis of individuality that one escapes into, and the antithesis of the dialectical material world that is objectively grounded in class struggle. By saying that suicide is the higher form, a solution to the contradiction between idealism and materialism, one cannot denote that in a 'positive' sense. There is no positive or negative connotation about death. Death is an end to the objective material reality, regardless of the ways the reality presents itself in. Suicide is revolutionary because the individual has fought themselves against the existential need to live. But ultimately, it falls into revolutionary idealism because the solution is an act of the individualist thinking one is forced to have, from the material world. The ebbs and flow of dialectics make it impossible for someone to be in a fixed position of idealism or materialism.

If I somehow survive the individuality presented to me, I'll make it another day, fighting the material world dialectically. If I fall into the depths of idealism, the solution confronted to me won't make a difference in the negative or positive connotation associated with it. My cognitive state at this time can only think of an idealist revolution. I can fight it till liberation, or I can liberate my individual self from the collective struggle. There is nothing selfish or selfless about suicide, just as there is nothing selfless or selfish about living. Both the act of suicide and the act of deciding to live are decided by the material reality facing us combined with our cognitive interpretation of the material reality. Objectiveness fails to play into consideration the moment our subjective reality tries to grasp the world in its own way. There isn't anything objectively selfish, objectively selfless about suicide. Everything is decided by the material world. We fail to think of other people. "Oh, won't you think of what will happen to me?" Isn't that statement itself from an individualist point of view? You're trying to view my suicidality from your own bias of being related to me, not from the material reality that objectively influences our subjective worlds, both independently, and together. By assigning the act of killing yourself to the bias of being selfish is futile in every way. It fails to grasp the myriad of subjective ways the material reality was influencing me, it fails to understand the objective material world itself. All it does is portray the martyr as someone martyred by no choice but his own. By isolating every single factor the material reality plays and reducing my decision to take that knife as my own decision is failing to understand science. It fails to critically think of the material world, and thinks of the world as something separate from the individual. Again, by no fault of their own, when the liberal, or the bourgeoisie make this rational decision of calling suicide selfish, their thoughts are, ultimately, a product of the material reality of capitalism which isolates each individual from 8 billion others, and the system itself from all individuals. Liberalism is a product of idealism, which is a product of the material reality. Bourgeoisie and petit-bourgeoisie thinking are products of the same material reality.

This is probably going to be my last theoretical analysis of the world for a while, if not forever. As said above, the flow of dialectics means I'll come back to the materialist conception of thinking after a while, or I'll succumb to my idealist revolution, suicide. It has been unfortunate that my attempt to analyze the world has been this way. If I had been physically and mentally capable of praxis, maybe a more advanced synthesis could have been developed out of my current thinking. As Lenin said, "there is no revolutionary movement without revolutionary theory". Following Lenin and Chairman Mao, revolutionary application of theory in practice will lead to more advanced theory coming, as the material reality will sooner or later, deem necessary for it to come. To exist is to resist. I have done so for 20 years. Maybe I will continue doing so. I've never spent a moment not loving the potential of the people to resist. To fight their material reality. I've never once given up on the masses. The ability of people to show love and compassion. And I'll never give up on the collective struggle of the masses. But maybe, at least for now, I've given up on myself.

long live the revolution.