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16 days agovent/suffering/bad eating
So much pain. I'm so hungry right now. I haven't eaten in a day and a half. I'm starting to cry. If/when I eat something the pain is going to get worse.
Why am I such a failure. Broken. A waste.
BountifulEggnog [she/her]
Autistic, newly hatched trans girl 
Love to talk, feel free to DM here or on matrix.
- 23 Posts
- 3.65K Comments
Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: June 30th, 2023
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Thank you for that, I did not appreciate some of the things that have been said but haven't been in a place to say anything myself.
The cishet man comments hurt me too. Sorry I give off cishet man vibes.
I hope you wake up in a better place.
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Not my kind of music, I don't really listen to anything that's not some kind of edm though.
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Hope you do treat yourself, you deserve it.
This is my take as well. Dems would/will ignore us and republicans actively want to hurt us.
Honestly fuck all the people who were acting like there's no reason to be afraid of trump.
If transition is banned I'm making arrangements. Life is hell and I refuse to live like this forever.
I mean, yea. Kinda embarrassing. Trying to work on it when I'm doing better then... whatever has happened tonight.
Losing pets is always hard, I'm sorry.
I don't get it at all. I've told him its terrible, that I struggle to function, and I relapsed with my self harm stuff. I don't know why he keeps bringing it up as a thing he's worried about. Definitely completely overwhelmed by it.
I know you have, I need to. If it wasn't so entangled with my family I would have already.
You don't sound that way at all, you sound like you are trying to make me feel better. Thank you. I will try to stay safe.
spoiler
I've written notes before. I always struggled, because I didn't have the words to describe my suffering. It was unclear to me. Now, it is much clearer. I don't have a desire to write anything lengthy though. It isn't possible for them to understand anyway. When the time comes, I'll probably just write something short. Leaving without saying anything seems wrong. Something short and simple seems fitting. I've never liked saying more then I need to.
spoiler
You suffer, then you die. I've suffered, can I move past it please? Step 1 is finished.
Actually, I just saw something to make me even more upset, why tf not post it if I want to. Very upsetting, don't read if you aren't ready for that, whatever.
suicide and self harm
Why the fuck is cutting not a method? Literally like a 3% chance. Why can't I just cut myself and bleed out. I love cutting, I want to die a mess, its literally perfect IF IT COULD FUCKING WORK. But it wouldn't. And, bonus upsetting thing about it, any failure would probably fuck me over forever in some way. Hit a nerve or muscle or some shit. Unlike other methods who's failure wouldn't really do that. Not that I have what I need for those methods either.
god it would just be so good. I have sharps, I love blood, I love the feeling of cutting myself. What a way for me to go. But no, that's not actually how it works. Fucking, 3% chance. I'm in no way more able to do it then 97% of people who try.
edit: oh, but at least the shit I did the other day makes these feelings easier to deal with. less painful. Fucking love having open shit. How on earth could I function without cutting myself tbh.
spoiler
Mental pain. My head hurts. I don't know why. Maybe it's pre transition stuff. Maybe it's just how it is for me. :meow-hug: thank you.