Crackpot_Posadist [they/them]

  • 2 Posts
  • 15 Comments
Joined 4 years ago
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Cake day: July 26th, 2020

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  • Is this going to turn into one of those "I found an extreme example of someone abusing their membership of a group" posts and everyone ends up spending a week policing everyone else who also claims to be apart of that group? The immediate need to invoke "I'm one of the good ones" rhetoric right off the bat feels like the answer is going to be yes.






  • The family/friends gaslighting me is one of my biggest fears. I present very much on the quiet side of BPD, so I just come across as extremely introverted to most people, but, as I've discovered, just like most quiet BPD people the entire outer layer is a complete sham, because I'm deeply afraid of properly opening up to people. I feel like if I told a lot of my friends about what I'm feeling that they'd just wouldn't believe me that my emotions are as fucked inside as I they are. So, instead of telling anyone about anything I just become a complete void of emotion. Like, I'd casually joke (cry for help) that my personality got sandblasted off or play along with friends telling me I was some "serene immortal" when I had just been disassociating almost continuously for weeks at a time. Like, from 15/16 to 24 years old I hit the disassociation button so hard that I literally forgot what emotions were. I was a completely blank person, and I basically only felt emotions when ever I found a new fp to obsess over. So, I unintentionally built up my entire mental health struggle around finding someone to be codependent with as the only sign of success. Like, if I could just make it work once then I would be "cured". That's why the experience I shared in the main post hit me so fucking hard, I saw my, at the time, mutual friendship with person as proof that I finally wasn't "socially disabled" that I was a healthy thriving person, but none of that was true obviously given how that actually turned out.


  • Yeah, even though I didn't really know I had BPD at the time, when I was doing CBT I basically never felt that anything was actually helping. Where everything was dealing with the behaviors rather than anything that was actually causing them. So, I basically ended up masking my way through therapy and just using to uselessly vent at someone. I was never able to take anything to heart, because the difference between therapy and real life was pretty prominent to me. I honestly tried straight psychoanalysis for a couple weeks (my analysist was basically doing it out a sense of charity in order to see if that kind of therapy would actually help) and that actually seemed to work a lot better. Maybe the more specialized psychotherapy of EMDR or somatic therapy would help even more.




  • Basically any numerical algorithm that's cyclical and parallelisable is better with quantum computation. Like, fast fourier transform (FFT) computations ,mainly used for large scale multiplications, can be sped up a huge amount with quantum processing. FFTs are one of if not the most used algorithms in the world.