I'm guessing the entire first section is just:

Lower Food Costs

Food costs are already low enough!

Lower Healthcare Costs

Health care costs are already low enough!

etc.

Well, somebody needs to get them to step up their game. The last few assassination attempts have been pathetic! :sicko-JFK:

"Wait, it's Killing Hope, as in 'making hope dead'? All this time I thought it was Killing Hope as in 'killing it', that is, 'doing a fine job in regards to hope'. I checked every policy to make sure we were still killing hope! Why did no one tell me?!"

and even marched in a picket line

"We rolled Biden's husk out for a few minutes of photo opportunism...what more do you unworthy shits want from us?!"

"Well sure, they lost all those races. But! They raised over a Billion dollars so it's still great to them! (And since their opinions are my opinions, I think they did great too.) So there, Tankies!"

What is this bullshit

"You should know better! We secretly really wanted to do all that good stuff, and would have, if you voted hard enough. All of the awful policies we presented (to the extent we presented any) were simply tests of your faith: tests which you have failed!"

Opened the door for change

was the incumbent

And if it weren't for denial, we wouldn't have any climate change discourse at all

"They're thinking about banning the toy guns, and they're gonna keep the fuckin' real ones!"

If the dietary transition was somewhat abrupt, you may consider taking a probiotic or making a point of eating fermented food for a while. Vegan microbiomes are distinct from non-vegan so it may need some help to get the right stuff...

Colon-izing

"And that is the origin of Johnny Trumpflagseed, but is regrettably not the end...some say he's still out there, spreading Trump flag particulate and hate speech everywhere he goes...The End"

*Video shuts off, addresses the conference room*

"These are the Real American voters that we need to be going after! Our polling suggests that running just a bit more to the right will have us scooping them up in droves!"

Shortest campaign in living memory

Still manages to run all of its energy straight into the ground well before the election

The relevance of the "Will of the People" in democracy when:

It benefits the proletariat:

It's some hideous, evil racist shit:

"Ah hell! Not again..."

Not as a direct quote (it is way closer than it should be..). More of a poetic license to highlight the absurdity of ~1:30 onward from the video

(wrong Cooper, deal with it) "You don't think it's stupid anymore?"

"He's stupid for not accomplishing anything on the project, which is stupid, that I fully support and will do better than him!"

"😂😂😂It was an Election 😂😂😂 Literally the whole...it was an Election 😂😂😂We couldn't go against the MIC because we needed their money for the Election😂😂😂 And we were being fascist, well because we are...but also to appease 'swing voters' for the Election 😂😂😂"

Johnnie Turner

Reality

The urge to bring into this is real. But this feels like one of those things that's too disgusting to really have fun with