My kid's mom is going on vacation to Tennessee and going to a megachurch televangelist who's been in the news for not allowing face masks to be worn in the church. My son is 12 and diabetic, and she won't allow him to get vaccinated because she believes they put fetuses in the vaccine, and that it changes your dna. She's pressuring him super hard and saying how much it hurts that he doesn't want to go, and they're leaving tomorrow morning.
He lives with me, but I don't have custody. But he has stated pretty firmly that he doesn't want to go. I have to tell her tomorrow that he doesn't want to go, and that I'm not comfortable with him going there without being vaccinated (and a host of other reasons). I'm not sure at all how this will go down, but I'm not looking forward to her accusing me of brainwashing him and then threatening to take him.
I needed to vent about this fucked up situation, but if you have any input or advice, I'm all ears.
Record her responses and then use her antivax shit to get custody. She's gonna get that kid hurt :(.
Wonder what it says about how pessimistic I am that I assume that that would make courts side with the mom
Edit: can even see a lib judge being "maybe she's misinformed in some ways but covid is over, it's time to get back to normal :)"
Depending on your state, you can file a temporary restraining order on that specific action—I.e. Her taking him out of state.
If you time it right (assuming your argument has merit) you’d prevent the trip from happening.
Can you talk to some kind of child protection service about this? It must be scary to have your kid be exposed to danger without your consent like that :deeper-sadness:
She won’t allow him to get vaccinated
I don’t have custody
America is a silly place.
"Men's rights activists" and incels are able to get a following because they take a kernel of truth and then really twist it around. The kernel of truth here is that family courts in the US are pretty screwed up and can often default to giving more custody to a mom than a dad for no real reason other than "moms are more nurturing than dads"
Yeah, egg on my face a bit. I guess I was going with the popular narrative here as opposed to actual data. That could actually be the case, idk.
Supposedly that's only actual legal disputes, and if you can't afford a lot of representation to dispute it, it doesn't count towards that stat or something
lots of people don't really get that far. For people who can't afford lawyers, it just ends with the court saying "she gets the kids" when they split.
This is mostly true for situations wherein neither can afford a lawyer,
I think it's changing for the better, but varies a lot state to state (and even judge to judge). I know in some areas stuff will fly in family court that you probably wouldn't see in other cases, and that in some parts of the country (Maine, for example) there's a major shortage of family law lawyers.
hide the Car Keys .. then tell her later it must have been a sign from god ...
I'm a lawyer in NZ and if someone came to me with a problem like this I'd represent them pro-bono. I hope you manage to resolve your issues.
I hope I can find someone like you in the area, pretty sure I'll have to go to court to get him vaccinated.
Fun fact about Tennessee: doctors can administer treatment with only the consent of a "mature minor", and the state also doesn't require proof of residency for the COVID-19 vaccine. Tell your son to have a blast with that information.
If he's 12 i believe he can get the vaccine and if he can't you can always lie about his age.
As someone with a lot antivaxx family, you will not change their mind. They did not use logic to get themselves into the position theyre in now and no amount of peer reviewed studies, dumbed down explanations, or anecdotal information will change their mind. If they start genuinely asking questions then politely answer but you can't force them to think rationally. Also in general dont trust them about anything to do with covid. They will lie about where they've been or will try to get your kid to lie for them.
Solidarity comrade, I hope your son stays safe.
He can definitely get the vaccine, and he wants it. But in our state, both parents have to consent. If not, they have to go to court over it and I have no money for that.
Drive him to Tennessee or another nearby state that doesn’t require both parents.
Huh, I wonder if that would work. I guess vaccines aren't restricted to residents of the state, are they?
In our state, both parents have to agree. If not, then you have to go to court and convince a judge referee why they should be vaccinated. That process could take months.
"you see, judge, i want my child to get vaccinated so he doesn't die of a preventable illness. i rest my case."
I'm not a lawyer. Would it be helpful to talk to the mom via email, so there's a paper trail for everything? If she says anything awful, that'll be more evidence against her.
email always email. having an issue with your boss where you might need proof you raised your position later email
Terrible situation. I hope your child does not end up having to go. If so, hopefully he’ll be like most kids and not get very sick from it. Sometimes all you can do is hope. But try as hard as you can to get him to not go.
Fuck man, I don't have any advice just wanted to say I feel for you and your kid. My mom was anti-vaxx before it became a mainstream thing and borderline Qanon brain at this point.
Can you get her Brother or Mother or someone involved ? Or are they too over the Jordan ?
They're all antivax Trump supporters who believe Biden is a communist and China is infiltrating our government. I'm the ONLY person in my son's circle that isn't like that.
Glad he's got a good influence at least, hope he turns out alright
Thank you. I'm not the best dad, but I'm trying my hardest to give him a fighting chance.
It is bleak, for sure. People suck, relationships are hard, and not everybody is on the same page. I had a super fruitful and fulfilling relationship with someone for 7 years, but when my depression got out of control and it affected my spending habits and work attendance, she left. I still hold out hope that I'll find someone who is empathetic about mental illness, is a good communicator when issues arise, and has a leftist worldview. But until then, I'm going to keep working on my mental health and making sure my son is taken care of.
Hang in there, you never know when you'll cross paths with someone who complements your life instead of complicating it.
