• eylligator2 [she/her,none/use name]
    ·
    3 years ago

    "His hand discharges" assumes a connection between the man, his hand and domestic violence. We need some more obfuscation. Have you tried "[...] where a hand appeared near an individual's face"?

    • half_giraffe [comrade/them]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Definitely an improvement, I am not a local reporter so my passive voice muscles aren't that trained