Valentine's Day is a day of love, a special day on which we're supposed to make sure that those around us know how much we care for them. But on this day when Cupid is supposed to strike us with his arrow, there are several reasons to think love isn't what it once was in the United States.
:volcel-judge: is doing their job too well.
Please :amerikkka: start fucking more, for the economy.
I have the same sort of verbal tick except mine is usually "Fuck me" or "I want to fucking kill myself." Same feelings though, sorry you have to deal with it too. I experience physical pain with really shameful memories and it sucks.
I say that kind of thing too! Not just the die alone thing, but really dark self-harmful stuff. Violent stuff. And it's not even like I really want to do that kind of thing in that moment, it's just a set of words that I think part of my brain responds to the painful, embarassing thoughts to "shock" me out of it. And yeah, there is a painful sensation that goes along with them. I call them "wince words." Years ago I was searching around to see if other people did it too, and... they do. Here is an ancient conversation about it that I came across and found comfort in, knowing I wasn't the only one. I'm likewise sorry you're tormented by this kind of thing.
Oh yes, sometimes I even have intrusive thoughts with vivid images of mutilating myself, even though I'm not having any sort of self-harm ideation these days. I came to a similar conclusion - that my brain was trying to distract me from the painful shame sensation with the strongest thing it could think up. Thank you for the thread, I was really surprised to see how many people responded and could relate to this! It's definitely the sort of thing that can make you feel crazy.
I have the same sort of verbal tick except mine is usually "Fuck me" or "I want to fucking kill myself." Same feelings though, sorry you have to deal with it too. I experience physical pain with really shameful memories and it sucks.
I say that kind of thing too! Not just the die alone thing, but really dark self-harmful stuff. Violent stuff. And it's not even like I really want to do that kind of thing in that moment, it's just a set of words that I think part of my brain responds to the painful, embarassing thoughts to "shock" me out of it. And yeah, there is a painful sensation that goes along with them. I call them "wince words." Years ago I was searching around to see if other people did it too, and... they do. Here is an ancient conversation about it that I came across and found comfort in, knowing I wasn't the only one. I'm likewise sorry you're tormented by this kind of thing.
Oh yes, sometimes I even have intrusive thoughts with vivid images of mutilating myself, even though I'm not having any sort of self-harm ideation these days. I came to a similar conclusion - that my brain was trying to distract me from the painful shame sensation with the strongest thing it could think up. Thank you for the thread, I was really surprised to see how many people responded and could relate to this! It's definitely the sort of thing that can make you feel crazy.