I tried typing this into Google, but it returned 20 pages of "My wife gained weight and I don't love her. How can I convince her to start an eating disorder?" FFS the West.
Comrades, I wish to fuck that my gf gaining a few kilos was even in my top ten list of problems right now. I tell her that's she's fine. We're getting older, and we both put on a few kilos. I try to be supportive, and just let her feel comfortable with the new reality. It's like a major stressor for her. I guess some of her workmates and relatives have made comments. I tell her to tell those people to tell me. What kind of person comments on another person's appearance?
Just a final rant. Both me and me gf work sorta stressful office jobs, and we both end up doing a lot of overtime. Stress, anxiety, and a lack of time contribute to a less than ideal health situation. I know IRL a few venture capitalist types that spend hours in the gym everyday, but they're the worst humans imaginable. My gf comes from a working class background, and she's one of the kindest people I know. I don't mean to shame anyone that loves the gym, but spending adequate time on fitness isn't super easy in late stage capitalism.
Anyhow, if any of you comment on anyone's weight ever, I will literally claw your face.
Sorry you both are experiencing this, I can’t imagine having borderline strangers call me out in my weight and then continue to sit in the next cubicle asking me about my weekend plans or whatever. What a bunch of pricks.
Most people want to feel desirable in their romantic relationship. Make sure you are outwardly acknowledging how attracted you are to them. It sounds weird and performative, but sometimes we make assumptions that our actions speak loud enough when really the other person needs more direct affirmation.
While there is truth to this and you should absolutely do it, for a lot of people(especially those in healthy relationships) no amount of reassurance can assuage deep seeded insecurities. Attraction is almost the expectation rather because it's a basic requirement for a relationship to function.
Hearing constant reassurance about attractiveness from a partner can feel like your mom telling you you're the most handsome person in the world. It's nice, but it doesn't feel like it carries a lot of weight compared to an organic comment from a stranger.
Of course, like anything there are nuances. Obviously you don’t want to come off like you are placating.
Didn’t mean to imply that lavishing your partner in affirmations will make it all bette. It’s just from my personal experiences, my partner and I look to each other for the unconditional support and affirmations that we just need sometimes.
Just to be clear, I didn't interpret your advice as anything other than a normal, healthy, and loving affirmation to your partner. I've been in numerous relationships with a partner with an ED (including my current partner for well over a decade now) though and my perspective is colored very differently.
No worries, I totally get where you are coming from, so I just wanted to clarify my statements in general.