Is anybody here familiar with this thing?
I'm talking to a psychiatrist to get assessed for ADHD, but in order to start treatment, if necessary, I'll first have to do this neuropsychological assessment called the WEIS test. It's expensive as shit, more than 2k, but seems to be the only way for me to get any kind of treatment. I can either pay that amount or wait 8-10 months to get it through my health insurance.
I did some digging and apparently it's this assessment of intelligence that can only be applied by qualified professionals. It frankly sounds like I'm about to get my brainpan measured. Have any of you taken this exam? Is it as stupid as it sounds? Has it helped you receive and/or validate a diagnosis?
Honestly it fucking sucks to me, having to jump through all these hoops just to have somebody listen to me and say "you have/don't have ADHD".
Yeah I did it. It was basically a bunch of IQ test style puzzles. I thought it was pretty fun. It maxes out at like 138 or something so it isn't really about determining your IQ, it's more about trying to isolate different skills to see if there are any weird differentials. For example a neuropsych diagnosed me as being on the autistic spectrum due to various stories from my childhood and also because my visual processing speed was far far below the other categories it measured.
I took the test because I thought I had ADHD btw. Couldn't focus in school, it was like my attention just ran away without noticing and I daydreamed for a bit before snapping back and wondering wtf happened. Then the report came back and I went to go for the exit interview expecting to get my sweet sweet adderall scrip and then the neuropsych was like "Surprise you have autism" and I was like wtf lmao
If you don't mind me asking, did that have a substantial impact on how you felt afterwards? I'm asking because I suppose that what I hope to get from this test (when I eventually-god-knows-when do it) is some kind of change or potential thereof, you know? Something of substance, some kind of way out that I haven't tried over and over again before.
I know you didn't ask me about this but I think having a conceptual framework to understand that the struggles you have faced through your development and into your adulthood is generally pretty empowering because it's kinda like "Oh, I'm not failing - I'm just fundamentally at odds with the world/society".
It's super common to go through a period of grief for lost time, lost opportunities, and anger or frustration or disappointment in how all the people around you let you down by not figuring out all of the now patently-obvious signs of neurodivergence so yeah, if you get a diagnosis then you might want to brace for a bit of a grieving process.
In regards to potential for change there's a lot of stuff that can be done with regards to unmasking, which I kinda object to the absolutist framing of, or being much more conscious and selective in when you mask and how much you choose to mask. There's also a lot you can do about seeking small accomodations, especially in a social context - for example, if you meet me irl and I think you're worthy of being a friend or if I'm going to be working alongside you then I'm going to drop the fact that I'm autistic when it's relevant pretty early on these days because it's just a sort of heads-up to say "I'm going to miss social cues, I'm kinda odd, and I'll work a lot better with direct communication". It's not necessarily using excuses but if someone is saying something cryptic then I'm just gonna say something like "I am wayyy too autistic to understand what you're getting at here" (which is admittedly a problematic way of framing it but idk, I'm not about to drop some crash course monologue on what a spectrum disorder actually is in medical parlance so I'm just working with what I've got y'know?) before seeking clarification. It's a bit self-deprecating but it's also a way of giving people a better understanding of how I go about communicating and what my needs are, with the hope that I'll be able to train them in more direct communication with me over time.
With other accomodations there's stuff around embracing a need for security and stability, and actively cultivating that as a form of self-care. There's managing your "sensory diet" better so that you can avoid and mitigate noxious sensory stimuli while putting in conscious effort to seek out positive sensory stimuli, including allowing yourself to stim more freely or spending time (re)discovering your stims and actively cultivating habits to bring them into your daily life. That sort of thing.
Then there's probably a fair bit of personal work to do in regards to internalised ableism as well. Living as a neurodivergent adult that is late self-identifying, you don't go through that experience without picking up a fair share of internalised ableism.
There's other stuff that comes with being appropriately medicated for ADHD that I could go into but that's probably getting ahead of things a bit.
Ultimately there's a lot of small changes and accomodations that you can start working towards right now if you are so inclined - the worst thing that can happen is you shed a little internalised ableism, you become more connected to your sensory experience and you engage with it in a more positive and supportive way for yourself, and you make life just a bit nicer for yourself - it's hard to imagine these things could ever be negative outcomes for anyone, neurodivergent or not, diagnosed or not.
Yeah, and I absolutely struggle with this a lot. There's always a voice in my head saying "no, this is all bullshit, you're just like everybody else except you're weak and pathetic." I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who's most likely ND who thinks this way to some extent. In fact I'm absolutely certain. It's a nasty thing to think, but we're surrounded by nastiness a lot of the time and it rubs off. It's the internalized ableism you mention, or at least a facet of it.
Edit: also, especially with ADHD, I think it's very likely that if I ever have an official diagnosis, people are still going to say that it's a fake condition made to sell medicine, and that all I need is to find something that I love to do and to get a productivity app or a planner or some shit, because "I forget things all the time too, it's normal." I don't even think people say this necessarily out of disrespect, some of them legitimately want to help but don't understand that I've tried all this stuff and none of it works for more than a couple days at best.
Yeah I got diagnosed with ADHD recently and I think the diagnostic helped but I still get that voice sometimes...
This is exactly my experience (the couple days thing). So far meds really help me to be able to stick to these kinds of things
Welcome to the club!
You might find it interesting to look into the concept that Dr William Dodson, one of the two biggest names in ADHD globally (edit: as in legitimate recognised specialists, not hucksters), has to say about ADHD & motivation.
He argues that ADHDers have a nervous system that responds completely differently to how a typical person does, and that ADHDers have an "interest-based nervous system" which is useful for understanding how to manage motivation and habit-formation and stuff like that in ADHDers.
Here's a blog post on this which is pretty succinct but you can also find Dr Dodson talking about it in podcasts and interviews if you want a deeper dive.
Yeah, usually people are well-meaning but that well-meaning advice often falls completely flat unfortunately.
Society has a long way to go with its background radiation of ableism - people get still get treated poorly and looked down upon because of something like dyslexia. A lot of it comes down to less-visible disabilities (not going to go on a rant about so-called "invisible" disabilities rn...) because people assume that a person who looks "normal" has a brain that works the way a typical one would and so if you really struggle with reading or spelling then you're just lazy or you're not applying yourself.
Depending on who I am talking with, sometimes I will go at this very directly if I think it's worth it. This requires a good relationship with the other person and doing it kinda leans on their goodwill but if someone just isn't getting it, especially if they're saying something dismissive or providing unhelpful advice, I will derail the conversation and start talking about a condition I know they have - asthma, migraines, a particular phobia. That sort of thing. I'll inquire about it and then I'll give them a similar sort of dismissive "Oh everyone gets headaches sometimes" response and I'll tell them that I just take some paracetamol, stretch my neck, have a snack and a glass of water, and maybe take a little nap and 95% of the time it fixes the problem. Y'know, basically turning the tables on them except not in a malicious way.
Obviously you need to be delicate about it and you really have to make sure that you're not being vindictive at all if you choose to do something like this because it's a bit dicey.
But ultimately with this you want to create an opportunity for them to really connect with your experience through a deep, experiential empathy and sometimes you can do it this way. This isn't something I do very often because it requires a lot of tact and it's a pretty big investment of energy to navigate it so I typically don't do it unless it's someone I'm close to.
Once it clicks for them, that "I forget things all the time" is wildly different to "I am so forgetful that I used to wonder if I had OCD because I will return to a door two, three, sometimes even more times to check that I have locked it because I can be so forgetful that I get distracted while I'm literally checking to see if I locked the door then I'll walk off only to stop dead in my tracks and ask myself if I actually checked that the door was locked just now because I genuinely can't remember what I was doing 5 seconds ago" then usually it can be the starting point for much deeper mutual understanding.
It me.
This is a big one that deserves to be unpacked with someone who is skilled in this stuff, especially a therapist who specialises in working with neurodivergent clients or who is neurodivergent themselves.
But a lot of work can be done by recognising how much effort you put into things and how strong you are to have managed living life on hard-mode for so long and that sort of thing.
There's stuff in there about internalised ableism with regards to "taking the easy option" and "using excuses" too - neurodivergent people and people with disability get a lot of messages about how they need to do things the hard way all the time. This is especially toxic for ADHDers and I could go on about this forever but to try and be brief about it, ADHDers have a very short battery life with regards to stuff like attention and focus and remembering things (i.e. executive function). Yes, you absolutely can devote a good chunk of brain power towards remembering when to leave the house on time and you'll probably do well at this mostly if you really do apply yourself. But, unironically, at what cost?
If you're blasting through all of your brain power by whiteknuckling through your day, you're going to suffer from a serious amount of executive dysfunction and, in the longer term, you risk burnout or deepening/prolonging it when it happens.
And for what? To prove to someone who doesn't get it that you can remember to do things without writing them down or setting alarms? Or to prove this to the unhelpful voice in your head?
Almost anyone can walk to their job, if we remove practical concerns for argument's sake. But just because that's something that is possible doesn't mean that it's practical, let alone sustainable or beneficial. Thing is, though, an allistic person doesn't use transport to get to their job and then berate themselves for being a weak, pathetic little baby who always takes the easy option - they just do what they need to do without entertaining these thoughts at all.
I'm rambling again but I guess what I've been working on in myself is shifting the framing from being about "the easy option" or "a cop-out" and towards what it is that I need and what enables me to live a life that suits me better. I've done a lot of prior work on breaking down the conceptual distinction we have between so-called "accessibility" devices and design (which is usually just code for "disabled-person thing") because when you really sit down and consider it, what is a remote control but an accessibility device? What is a lamp but an accessibility device? What is a car? Or a knife? and so on. Learning about the curb cut effect and identifying it in design choices has also been useful and an extension of this same sort of personal work. I think doing this has been helpful for me as a foundation for undoing my own internalised ableism.
I don't know. My struggles remain my struggles. The diagnosis did give me more leeway to go easy on myself and avoid spiraling when my real abilities were so far from how I felt they should be. Autistic stuff isn't really managed with medication like ADHD is so it really depends on the outcome for you too.
Yeah, all I can do is hope things look up in the future. Thanks for sharing, hope you take your struggles and
kick them in the asslearn a lot from facing them.