I'm 27 personally, and haven't been in any sort of romantic relationship or even kissed on the lips.
Now I'm at the point where I wanna wait til' I have my own place before I make any serious attempt at it, cuz I don't want to be judged for still living at home (Don't have a high enough income to move out).
I feel like once I seriously try though, I'll find someone eventually. I at least have that much confidence and self-esteem to know that I'm not unfuckable or anything like that.
I'm around 30 and in the same boat as far as never having had a romantic relationship.
Honestly, I'm pretty self-conscious about it. Growing up, I got exposed a lot to the idea of "if you can't get laid, you're a disgusting and unworthy human being." Even though I never consciously accepted this and would never think less of someone else for being a virgin, I get this awful feeling whenever I find out someone I'm talking to isn't one. Like, "If they knew I've never had sex, they'd laugh at me. They'd start harassing me and making fun of me, they'd mock me and humiliate me in front of everyone, and I'd deserve it because I'm a lesser being, and it's all my fault for being too stupid/lazy/insufferable to become good enough to have sex."
(I've also had an anxiety disorder and depression for most of my life, which doesn't help either my love life or my reaction to the lack thereof)
Copying my comment to another user
I feel like it doesn't count if I have to bribe someone to fuck me.
There is no "counting ". Noone is keeping score.
If you feel that an escort wouldn't fulfill the need you have, that's valid, but don't fixate on what other people think about what you have or haven't done.
The whole concept of virginity is bullshit, it's just a thing that you haven't done. You haven't done millions of things, but you probably don't keep track of those with special words, either.
Having sex doesn't change you as a person (it certainly didn't change me), so you probably shouldn't build part of your self-identity on your virginity and pin all your problems on that part in the hopes it will magically disappear and take those problems with it when you have sex. Not saying you're doing that, just generally saying noone should do that.
While I do share your opinion about the "virginity" thingy, I have a different opinion that I feel I need to voice here.
Having sex isnt something that "you just havent done", in the same way that talking to a good friend isnt "something that you havent done", or doing things with a group of mates isnt "a thing you havent done".
What our dumbshit Western culture doenst realize for whatever reason is that the act of having sex (or lack thereof) isnt significant in of itself, same with having a friend, or a group of good friends.
Not even talking about sex specifically, about the emotional connection, the closeness and intimacy of building a relationship with another human being. About feeling loved and that you belong within your own species. We humans are a social species [citation needed], so we desire and internally value such feelings and experiences. Thus, a lack of such social experiences/feelings can lead to feeling like shit, alienated, etc. Not even talking about sex here. Due to the "primal" nature of such desires, unfortunately, they cannot simply be written off as "things we havent done". Of course we can live without sex and good friends, but that does not mean we should trivialize such desires as "things we havent done", that would be lying.
But yes, "muh hookers dont count" still bullshit, people have found romantic relationships with sex workers and still continue to.
I agree with you.
I only really meant to talk purely about the sex, because the chain I replied to was specifically about "ticking the box" by hiring a sex worker. Which I feel inherently already assumes a view of sex as an isolated action that someone really can just "not have done".
In the broader context you are absolutely right, though. Human connection, or the lack of it, is something can change you as a person (but doesn't have to). At the same time whether or not you experience that kind of connection should not be constructed into some kind of identity (that way incel shit lies).
Here is where I disagree again, if we could somehow control our subconscious (or whatever aspect of our brain it is), then stuff like solitary confinement wouldnt be an issue. I am not talking about sex here in terms of human connection mind you, being isolated from any human interaction has been proven [i dont have the citation on me rn] to cause real psychological harm, whether the person wants it to or not.
If you can personally control that response to isolation yourself, then thats great, unfortunately the vast majority of people cannot.
Thats why I find progressive leftism likable as a movement, since it recognizes this and a part of it is just building stronger communities online and offline to help fight back against the systems which cause such alienation in the first place.
Edit: clarity
There's a difference between human interaction in general and a relationship, which I thought we were talking about here. Cutting someone off from all human contact obviously damages that person, but plenty of people live perfectly normally without being in a relationship, some without ever being in one.
You
Also you
We are clearly not talking about realtionships, I thought I made this crystal clear by saying:
Be clearer next time by what you mean by "human connection", you just effectively strawmanned my position into something twisted and morally bankrupt.
I dont hold this against you, mods must have a tough job fighting against the various reactionaries hungry to destroy this site. I think we agree with each other but are just arguing out of habit at this point lol