This is probably NSFW so... warning(?)
I was going to reserve dinner at a place for our 7th anniversary of our marriage. My phone ran out of battery, so she told me to use hers.
While I was using it she received a message saying "tomorrow again? 😏". Curiosity killed me, I opened the message because, as far as I knew, she stayed home while I was working the day before.
To my surprise, the guy that texted her sent her a video of her on all fours with 2 men cuming on her. Needless to say, there was no 7th anniversary dinner. This was also years ago so I got over it.
I could have said "she cheated on me" and leave it at that but I feel like the whole story is spicier.
I kind of thought she was a bit distant, but not cheating, but at that time I was dealing with a terrible case of arthritis at that time, so between going to the hospital and spending days, sometimes weeks in bed without being able to move I was not really thinking about it.
Girlfriend for four years had been cheating on me for at least seven months. We were a modern family with one kid each. Found out Sunday evening when I caught her texting. The worst is the kids when they will know they won’t be together again. And her family, very good people. She’s dead to me.
I am childfree, she wasn't. 100% not going to work, but we ended on good terms all things ocnsidered.
She got bored of me, cheated, gaslit me and made me feel like I was treading on egg shells for 12 months and then we split up.
She'd have had permission if she had asked.
He said it was his mental health, and he could have no desires or feelings for someone. He said I was amazing and that he'd never met anyone remotely like me.
However he's now told me he's seeing someone, so I think he's full of shit.
I took her for granted and probably got too comfortable in our domestic life. She had a new work friend who had nothing better to do than talk to her all day about how she would be a better partner than me.
He didn't want to be with someone clingy but framed it as codependency, when in reality I was going through an anxious attachment phase because I didn't want to fuck it up. My incessant worrying was to blame but his lack of empathy made it worse. In the end I think I dodged a bullet because he was a functional alcoholic.
The number one thing I've heard from avoidant people is that perfectly human emotions, albeit perhaps unfitting for the situation, are "clingy" or "too much." They don't know how to ask for things like space and own their own needs. It's much easier to instead blame their inner turmoil and resistance on the relationship by singling out that one thing they think is wrong with it. That way they don't have to be vulnerable and admit they're imperfect too. I'm sure you might know all of this anyway, but just a reminder that it's okay and healthy to be a lil clingy and worried. Not your fault.
~19 years of marriage ended late last year due to mental health issues + NPD. I'm still trying to get over it, but it's tough; she just won't leave me alone.
Also, she ended up moving away and that was another big part of it. These two together just totally killed it. Of course there were other little things but I attribute most of the reason to the aforementioned problems.
I want to be back in a stable state and doing better with myself, but I feel like I've already screwed up every chance I've had at this point. There's no way she'd take me back but it is what it is, I guess. She's really great and being with her made me feel something again.
Incompatibility from the start due to her not entirely honest dating profile, I also looked past her red flags, baggage, and past trauma, because I thought to myself that everyone has those and that I should remain humble.
She wanted kids, I didn't.
We're still best friends tho, since we do not resent each other for our own choices.
