SO last month I began my second term of this year in college. I still haven't adjusted well to online school and I really fucking dropped the ball this term. I still have one month left to go, but I really let myself fall behind and as a result I have two classes I've done next to nothing in, and two I've done a bit more in, but haven't started on big projects yet. I've been getting back on track for the past couple of days, but I still have issues procrastinating, although I've decided now to quit all social media until I'm done with this shit. Even if I do get it done though my grade will be lowered because it's late...... I can/will email my profs about this but fuck is it daunting...
Idk though man I really feel like I've fucked up my life here, it's probably not THAT bad in reality, but fuck it feels awful right now. Maybe this isn't the best place to post this but idk where else, and support/encouragement right now would mean the world to me. Has anyone here had a similar experience also?
I've had this experience multiple times (thanks to untreated dysphoria and wildly mismanaged mental illness in university) and like 98% of my profs were extremely kind and understanding, because this happens allllll the time and they get it. Several talked to me about their own struggles with mental stuff. A counsellor can also help you hack through the thickets of bureaucracy if you need to get a grade removed from your record or something. It'll be fine, try not to worry too much :heart-sickle:
I failed a bunch of classes in college and my degree means just as much as the good students. Hang in there, maybe try to interrupt the catastrophic thinking whenever you notice it (you are nowhere near fucking up your life territory), because it can really make you spiral into some bad places (at least it does for me).
The semester my mental health was fucked up, I ended up asking for an extension on one of the papers. Imo the important thing is to do it early. You know the whole rude professor saying, "a lack of planning on your side is not an emergency on mine"? You want to avoid them getting the impression that you forgot about the course until 2 hours before the deadline or whatever. If you contact them asap, they realise you're struggling a month before the deadline - it's not bad planning, it's a mental health problem. I'd hope that profs are more understanding atm.
Apart from that I hope you can realise that having one bad semester, esp in your first year, can be embarrassing or painful or anything else - I don't wanna dismiss your feelings - but it's unlikely to really affect your life and career goals overall. This too shall pass right? :)
I also hope you can reach out to your uni's mental health services eventually.
If it helps, procrastination is basically just the avoidance of pain. When you think about doing something you need to do, you anticipate the pain and difficulty of the task and start to feel it without even doing it yet, and your brain reacts by redirecting your attention to something less painful. Centering yourself, being aware of this process in the moment it's happening, and trying to redirect your thoughts to how good it will feel to get the thing done, might help you get it done.
Talk to your profs, talk to your dean. See if the school has a disability resources group, who you can talk to to ask about extensions; mention COVID anguish/depression.
Woke up this morning to some wonderful responses here, thank you all. Also received a response from my math prof this morning who said no worries and he's willing to help. What a relief. I'm off to work now
