I suffer from health anxiety and BPD, and had been experiencing severe migraines that unfortunately my brain convinced me were due to a brain tumor, even though i am actually diagnosed w chronic migraines and had had a clear brain scan a few months before.
I was in a lot of pain, as I cannot take migraines meds (triptans) bc they have a pharmacological interaction with my antidepressants, and kept obsessively making up scenarios where I had terminal cancer. As a result my anxiety-drained self guided by the impulsivity inherent to both BPD and physical pain decided to attempt suicide by taking 15 Wellbutrin pills. My rationale was the typical euthanasia due to terminal illness situation, I’d rather control and how and when I’ll die instead of having a disease do it for me, the only problem with this reasoning is that i dont actually have said disease.
A few hours in I started shaking a lot, my heart was racing, i could feel my blood flowing through my veins and started hallucinating sounds. I seriously thought I was gonna die. Upon finding me in this state my parents rushed to the hospital, but unfortunately it was too late to get ny stomach pumped so I just stayed inpatient for observation and they gave me a vicodin for the headache.
As of right now I’m still in the hospital, but now in the psychiatric ward for obvious reasons. I still feel shaky and a bit zonked from the vicodin, but the pain couldn’t resist the power of opioids so at least my headache is gone.
However I feel like I underwent some kind of cognitive damage. I can’t think straight and keep forgetting words, it does scare me that I’ll never recover to be honest. I had extreme tachicardia when i came in so they performed an ECG, naturally my heart is fucked up.
This is ridiculous, i almost died to escape from a terminal illness that i dont have. My parents are devastated, and so is my little sis. All because the fucking monster that is anxiety, it’s a terrible extremely debilitating illness and i hate how trivialized its become.
Sorry for the long post and sorry if im not making much sense. I’m very very intoxicated and couldn’r be bothered to write an articulate text.
I’m 18 and a half, but as far as emotional stability goes I’m probably 7. You’re right though, i’m young and generally physically healthy yet my brain keeps convincing me there’s something wrong with me. Anxiety is the worst. In all fairness my heart did sustain some damage, but i’m in good care and what i should be thinking about now is fixing my mental issues that led to the whole situation in the first place. Thank you.
Cognitive solution to anxiety making you do stuff - don't trust your brain, consult with a loved one first! This is good advice for doing anything really, but especially if it's about your basic well-being. I was scared I had breast cancer... as a guy going through puberty... confiding in someone helped me feel a lot better. And even though it feels like you're weird/burdensome for confiding in people - people generally love to be confided in, especially by those already close to them.
In the film A Beautiful Mind, ::SPOILER:: the protagonist conquers his schizophrenia by realizing that the people he imagines don't age, therefore they don't exist, therefore they shouldn't be trusted. Let the intellectual part of your brain keep the animal part of your brain in check.
Best of luck! Please stay around and don't lose touch.