I want to hear your theories! Please do not provide any sources beyond what is in your heart. I'll start us off with some likely scenarios:
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The leg of Henry Kissinger's pants got caught in the wheel of his wheelchair, and because he had the consistency of wet dough, rather than ripping the cloth his entire body was pulled under and slowly bisected from the bottom up like a bucket of toy slime under a pizza cutter.
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Henry Kissinger and Noam Chomsky were playing around with Kissinger's dad's gun and Henry Kissinger wanted to check if you could see the bullet through the barrel just as Chomsky was firing at an imaginary robber.
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Unclear exactly how he died, but the winner of the Kissinger Death Tontine turns out to be a three time champion of American Ninja Warrior.
One Year Later
UlyssesT: Hey! I'm back! What did I miss? ... GODDAMMIT!
: THE PROPHET HAS RETURNED!
This is but the start of UlyssesT's adventure. The prologue. I am so excited for the main plot to get going.
Dick Cheney walks into his darkened office. A lonely figure sits in his chair
Dick: "what! Who are you!"
UT: "They say the second kill is easier, but honestly, the first was pure joy"
Kissinger farted so hard his ass exploded and he died from exploded ass
The ol' classic of breaking his back trying to suck himself off.
When rigor mortis set in he bit his own dick off. Scary but true.
Oh yes. If they even attempted to explain what happened to him on the news the entire news channel would get an R rating. It was THAT gory.
The IDF were trying to harvest his cum and the device's off button malfunctioned. It sucked all the skin on his lower body into the cum tank before they could turn it off.
Lightning strike from the fingertips of Richard Dawkins. Got it. Not what I expected, but I guess you cannot argue with the truth.
Satan got tired of waiting so a crack in the earth opened up and hellfire sprang forth to incinerate him.
Ewie gross sex things
Choked to death on his on cum doing his usual routine of "jerkin' it while thinking of all the suffering he caused."
I honestly can't think of any other reason why he would have devoted his life to causing so much suffering if not for sexual gratification.