It seems like every culture expects guests to want to eat regardless of their circumstances, and if you refuse, you’re automatically rude and insulting.
If I offer you food and you refuse, I’m going to be quite happy. It means I get to save money and have more food to myself. I ain’t offering a second time if you say no the first time :maduro-coffee:
I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding here. The first refusal is for the sake of the guest acknowledging that hospitality consumes resources and therefore in addition to the politeness of offering there is also a politeness to giving an out. The second offer and second response are the only real ones.
In hindsight, just google Turkish etiquette rules. They have a highly ritualized and formally laid set of guidelines to politely express the degree of hospitality and politeness you intend to give/are comfortable to receive (this does not apply to Vienna). It serves as a good primer on how and why hospitality customs come to be and the purpose they serve. As a rather non typical individual, having all those rules helps.
The Turk in his heart offers improbable amounts of baklava to Vienna.
The system developed during times of famine. The first offer was to show that the host wanted to share food with the guest, even if they didn't have any. The first response must be a refusal so the guest allows the host to save face. The second offer is the real offer, and you can accept or reject that one because it is an actual offer of food, not a forced offer.
I only find it rude when Mormon missionaries who show up at my door refuse my offer of booze and weed.
You'd think if they wanted to spread their weird cult the least they could do is learn a little bit about sacred hospitality. You basically just promised not to rob and murder them but do they have enough grace to accept? no!
Sharing food is a tradition so ancient that some people argue it’s evolved straight into your psyche as proof of intrinsic altruism. Is this the commodity form in action, deterritorializing the ritual of hospitality so it can be managed more efficiently in the profane language of economics? :bern-disgust:
I've heard some amazing stories about the depths of deception and skullduggery that Iranians will go to to pay the tab for dinner. Truly Machiavellian scheming to ensure that the cost for dinner is run on their card.
Unfortunately, I have to disagree. I love eating gratuitous amounts of food. The more, the better. For an example of one of my favorite foods, see my username.
The downside is that if they accept and they're on the lam you have to fight the police to the death on their behalf, so it's important to disclose any outstanding warrants to your host before you accept their hospitality.
Disrespecting the ancient rites of the hearth. Smdh. It's bad luck to not eat the stale little pastries.
I'm not sure if it's historical or not, but if you break bread with your host you are under their protection right?
Pretty much. And in some places and at some times that meant you'd fight God before you'd allow your guests to be harmed or captured. The length of time they're allowed to stay varies wildly. I've heard three days was a number that keeps popping up throughout history, but I'm pretty sure there were situations in the middle ages where a wanted man would hide out in a lords court for years to escape justice and/or vengeance from another party.
For a very long time in many parts of the world there were no police, no lawyers, not legal authorities. If someone did you wrong it was the responsibility of you and your family to either hunt down and kill the offender, or in other cases to kidnap them and drag them before a court or magistrate. So if you were travelling far from home you had no family nearby that could avenge you if you were harmed. The only safety you had was the rights of a guest; If you were invited in to someone's home and accepted they were obligated to protect you, to the death, for a certain period of time. And it was full on Prisoner's Dilemna. People took hospitality seriously because they knew if they treated their guests well then later they could visit that guest and expect food, shelter, and protection. And if everyone followed the rules then people could travel safely, conduct trade and diplomacy, and all other kinds of business, and hospitality would glue society together.
It's vodka or la croix for me. Speaking of, i need to get a new bottle of hospitality vodka.
you can refuse but doing so you should say that you are too full and performatively bemoan the offered food.
at least that works in my experience
It's very rude to insist more than three times. Once for formality, twice for sincerity, three times to make sure. But after three offers you're pushing the issue and you need to accept their answer.
Accepting Food is pretty much a universal sign of "I wont murder you in your house" and also you never know when some guy is gonna be Odin and then you'll wish you offered them the Tea and Biscuits.
