active networking is the 10th circle of hell,never in my life have I felt so actively disgusted with myself in a social context. how do you do this without the urge to 
or how do you tamp down that urge because oh my god I cannot stomach it, it feels so fucking slimy to do. i can't even do it at events where the sole purpose is networking, my dad pressed me into one and I bailed 15 minutes in after hovering around, it feels so utterly degrading and gross
I feel like networking is something they made up to pass off having your rich dad introduce you to his rich friends as a skillset
I have a hard enough time socializing in general. Socializing to try and get a job?
I did some "networking" meetup groups back in the day around software development and they were okay, it helps that most of the people like software and it's cool to hang out and talk shop sometimes.
The key was that all of us already had jobs in the industry so it was more of a "want to hang out and learn some stuff" kind of thing.
I'm not sure about the context around your networking event you went to. Was it to find a job?
Events like that are fine.
To get a job?
Idk, it just seems... kinda fake? Like, your actual friendship has no intrinsic value other than to get a job?
Capitalism, something something transform social relationships something about transactional or whatever
I don't have any good advice. I just remember older mentors saying "oh just keep trying" and feeling so frustrated. Like, I'm now on the other side and I don't have much to offer besides I've been there and felt that way. It sucks, and it might feel like it'll never happen for you, Just keep trying.
Just start passing out sheet music of 'Which Side Are You On?' Things'll take care of themselves.
I feel kinda like a manipulator or politician when I, err, "network."
I can understand "networking" for the sake of friendship or because you're lonely, but for the sake of a job?
Ugh.
"Don't worry anon, in the real world no one cares if you weren't popular in high school."
Real world:
"Jobs, get your jobs here. Requirements: Be popular"
Like, seriously, you just make up a relationship for... kickbacks or what?
Note: I hate intentionally trying to network, but it also happens naturally if you are social with other people in your field.
Networking is simply making connections with other professionals who you can reach out to for things you are working on or for references/recommendations/job opportunities. If you worked with someone and they let you know about an open position, that means you networked with them at some point. If you know Sarah from a conference and you can reach out to her for advice when you hit some barrier, that means you networked with her at some point. It is making professional contacts who know who you are and who might spend a few minutes or more to do a favor at some point. They might be close or just acquaintances, but they are contacts in the context of working.
All of my networking happens by doing things with others because I am terrible at forcing the smalltalk and trivial interaction with people that is actively networking. Once a few connections happened organically, other people networked for me by saying good things about me and my work, which took a while to happen but once it started it snowballed from there.
I honestly can't imagine starting over in a new industry and trying to make it happen on purpose.
This is leagues better than networking. Much more organic and akin to how things are usually done.
I just wish there was a word for “networking, but the working class does it so it’s cool.”
I've never had anything but a bottom rung position in my entire life so I've never had to deal with this. Instead, I was just treated as sub human by pretty much every customer for nearly two decades of my life. Fun times
Now in the 21st century you need to do a hell lot of networking to nepo your way into that bottom rung postion!
Really cool and good work is treated like an exclusive country club!
- Show
Does this help?
The only "networking" i know that works is either having family with lots of friends who can get you jobs or building relationships with colleagues you like who are happy to give a good referall for a role, or even finding a solid recruiter who likes you.
Anyway sounds like it sucks bigly, like what are you even supposed to do in that situation?
business is all about who you know and who knows you. there are 50 plumbers in the area, and while most of them will certainly do a good job, i know josh the plumber, they were nice to me that one time, so i'm going to contract his company to do our plumbing work. it's not more complicated than that.
it's never been something i've enjoyed, but after years of being forced to engage for the sake of "advancing" my "career"
i've managed to create a facade i employ while networking, where i play the role of what the average "doer of this specific thing" is in the eyes of the average person. and at least for my industry, it works way too well, as if the entire concept is just a joke and only a vessel for patronage and nepotism.Intentionally "networking" sounds absolutely miserable, but slowly picking up contacts in your career as you work different companies is worth it. I've never actively sought out a network or gone to any events or conferences, but now I just kinda know dozens of people in my field, and whenever I get a new job I'll already know a few people there. Or I'll come to an interview and be surprised that one of the people across the table used to work with me a couple years ago and they'll see me as the safe bet to hire. Or someone will switch agencies and ask me if I want a recommendation to come work with them.
It just feels like an inevitable result of working in the same career for long enough. It started with me getting a shitty entry level job through dumb luck without a network and sticking with it, though.
A big problem I have with "networking events" is that your in a place with other people who are there for transactional discussions. Like, go into this room and beg for a job. The people there are expecting it.
Networking in low/no pressure social situations, like a party, where nobody even talks about business, but plays games or dances or whatever or talks about hobbies - and you make a social connection and then later you find out they may be interested or able to help with a work thing, thats much cooler.
Like, treat networking like you are trying to make friends. Talk to the cool people and the people who are easy to talk to and ignore the shit heads
memorize a few STAR stories, a few anecdotes about yourself, and some industry relevant questions. people will tend to follow the same patterns when first meeting someone, but these usually vary by industry. walk up to someone, look them in the eye, shake their hand, and tell them your name. from your description, it's a college thing, so they already know you're a student and which college you attend, so they'll probably start off asking what your major or year is. use that as an opportunity to launch into a short anecdote. at this point they either already told you what they do in the introduction, at which point you can ask one of those questions you memorized, or they haven't, so you ask and then use a memorized question. they'll answer, you can nod along, then usually they follow up with a question of their own. use a STAR story or some industry knowledge to respond to this. if you ever end up with an awkward silence, either anecdote, STAR, or part ways. try to slip in a business card exchange at some point, maybe right after the handshake, maybe when parting ways.
I network with really long ethernet cables since my router is downstairs. I get a primal sort of satisfaction out of long, tidy cable runs.
