Because you spend all your time online, which gives you an illusory blanket of comfort and connection. You have to get out there and rewire your brain. The people will follow.
Like some people just have a difficult time with this. Being even slightly on the spectrum makes it very hard. From a certain age onward way more so. In college sure go randomly to a party. In your 30s going to a random party is like going through your own personal hell.
Creating the expactation that people will follow sets the person up to think that they are unredeamable if that does not happen. Maybe I'm taking this to personal.
Well yeah, it just sounds like you've already made up excuses not to put yourself out there. That's the rewiring your brain needs through classical conditioning of changing your habits from sitting in front of a screen all day.
The point is getting out there. It's not that you'll suddenly be awash in new friends and acquaintances, it's that you'll rewire your brain to see the world and people around you with a more open, inviting mind.
The point is getting out there. It’s not that you’ll suddenly be awash in new friends and acquaintances, it’s that you’ll rewire your brain to see the world and people around you with a more open, inviting mind.
The reason why I prefer to stay inside is because of past experiences with other people outside my home (and also from inside my home, come to think of it) being bad tho.
I guess what I'm getting at here is that you have no way to ensure that the experiences that anybody who actually tries to practice what you're saying will actually be positive or productive.
Yeah this is one of those pieces of advice that probably works really well for NT people but not so well if you're autistic. Getting out of your comfort zone is important, but like... putting yourself in situations that are likely to trigger anxiety or meltdowns is only going to reinforce the idea that going out will cause anxiety and meltdowns.
They're not wrong about classical conditioning - it's just a completely different set of challenges when you're autistic. An NT person might go to a party and think, "huh, I guess that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!" But for me, I will leave that experience feeling battered and exhausted from the sensory overload and social interaction. People like us need to start much, much smaller in order to expand our comfort zone rather than abandon it altogether.
Edit: but it is important work and we do need to put in the effort. Socializing is a necessary part of doing socialism.
Because you spend all your time online, which gives you an illusory blanket of comfort and connection. You have to get out there and rewire your brain. The people will follow.
Like some people just have a difficult time with this. Being even slightly on the spectrum makes it very hard. From a certain age onward way more so. In college sure go randomly to a party. In your 30s going to a random party is like going through your own personal hell. Creating the expactation that people will follow sets the person up to think that they are unredeamable if that does not happen. Maybe I'm taking this to personal.
Well yeah, it just sounds like you've already made up excuses not to put yourself out there. That's the rewiring your brain needs through classical conditioning of changing your habits from sitting in front of a screen all day.
The point is getting out there. It's not that you'll suddenly be awash in new friends and acquaintances, it's that you'll rewire your brain to see the world and people around you with a more open, inviting mind.
The reason why I prefer to stay inside is because of past experiences with other people outside my home (and also from inside my home, come to think of it) being bad tho.
I guess what I'm getting at here is that you have no way to ensure that the experiences that anybody who actually tries to practice what you're saying will actually be positive or productive.
yeah it's a risk but it's a risk that needs to be taken in order to have meaningful relationships with people
But what if u don't tho?
if you don't socialise with and form meaningful relationships with people then you will be lonely.
it's difficult and it is a risk to put yourself out there but it also gets easier and not doing it isn't a long term plan
I suppose my point is that I honestly believe that I simply can't, and never will be able to.
you might be putting to much pressure on yourself. socialising is a skill and it improves with practice.
putting yourself out there continually makes people less uncomfortable putting themselves out there
Yeah this is one of those pieces of advice that probably works really well for NT people but not so well if you're autistic. Getting out of your comfort zone is important, but like... putting yourself in situations that are likely to trigger anxiety or meltdowns is only going to reinforce the idea that going out will cause anxiety and meltdowns.
They're not wrong about classical conditioning - it's just a completely different set of challenges when you're autistic. An NT person might go to a party and think, "huh, I guess that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!" But for me, I will leave that experience feeling battered and exhausted from the sensory overload and social interaction. People like us need to start much, much smaller in order to expand our comfort zone rather than abandon it altogether.
Edit: but it is important work and we do need to put in the effort. Socializing is a necessary part of doing socialism.