All of the political, fictional, media, and societal forces in this country fantasizes this generation of men from the era. They were tough, stoic, built skyscrapers, fought and died in wars, dressed in suits, and they did things their own way. I always have an image of Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack in my head of this type of man. Candace Owens' "Bring back manly man" tweet on a photo of Harry Styles in a dress underscores the society's mourning the loss of masculine men.
I never met my grandfather but from all the stories I've heard of him he was the typical man of his era. Grew up in the 30s, was a junkman, joined the Army, worked a union trade job, came home from work and read his newspaper. He didn't make dinner (except for grilling steaks with his bare hands). He physically fought my grandma and engaged corporal punishment with my uncles and aunt. My mom says she was scared of him for a long time. He never traveled or did anything with his children. Essentially, he worked and came home and didn't do any domestic activities. You look at photos of him and he looked like a good looking Italian guy in a Martin Scorsese movie. A "man's man".
Learning about his bad tendencies and at first its hard to see a tragedy. The tragedy is near the end of his life he expressed regret and remorse. His life under capitalism and patriarchal norms crushed his soul. It was only around his old age and after his retirement when he started to mellow out and become something more. The last time he talked to my uncle he told him "I'm sorry for not being there and talking to you." He loved to visit my mom and dad and my mom said she loved to talk to him even though she was previously scared of him. He traveled to Hawaii the year before he died and he absolutely loved it. When they got back he asked my grandma "when's the next trip?" When he was older, every day he walked their cat on a leash. Even with all of their troubles throughout their marriage, my granparents loved each other. On their last day together they made love, he told my grandma he loved her, and he went to bet on the horses.
He also hated some aspects of his society. He hated suits, hated the Army and was dishonorably discharged for refusing an order, and he hated Reagan and trickle down economics. Underneath his manly exterior there was something more there and his remorse at not being a better person showed toward the end of his life. It was only after he wasn't being crushed by a manual labor job and living just with my grandma was he able to start to explore the world and open up to his kids. So when I think of him now I see him as a victim of Capitalism and patriarchal norms of our society.
I don't know, this is kinda a rough draft of my thoughts about someone I never met but wish I could have.
One of my favorite stories my grandma would tell is “every day at the same time while your grandfather read the newspaper, Tiger would pace back in forth in front of the paper. Finally your grandfather would have enough and say ‘alright I’m getting up!’”
Cats are gems.
"The traditions of the dead weigh like nightmares on the brains of the living."
Thank you for sharing his story. The material abundance and relative prosperity of the age sounds wonderful, but the society and culture was so incredibly stifling. All of that anti-communist propaganda yelling about how the Reds want to turn everyone into identical machines really was just projection, wasn't it? Men were forced to work and forbidden to truly enjoy things, and women were forced to "tend the home". Those were your roles. It seems like being a counterculture type was so much harder, and no one was taught how to handle their emotions at all.
The future sucks, but I honestly think I'm happier to live in the present. Maybe I would have been strong enough to handle the era by escaping to a big coastal city and hiding in an enclave somewhere. Or maybe I wouldn't have made it at all.
I think of that time as being materially better. My grandma forced my grandpa to go out to the union hall and get a good job. His union job pulled them out of poverty and they were able to have a good life with six kids. It was probably more fun too. You knew your neighbor and left your door wide open. At least that’s how it was in my grandma’s neighborhood. I think would be too stringent for me like you said.
The future sucks, but I honestly think I’m happier to live in the present. Maybe I would have been strong enough to handle the era by escaping to a big coastal city and hiding in an enclave somewhere. Or maybe I wouldn’t have made it at all.
I think back then I would mainly be a Lennie Small type of character, and in the contemporary era I'm more :joker-gaming:. So I don't really see very much improvement at all, tbh.
Yeah, in many ways reminds me of stories of my Grandfather, whom I never met. On all accounts, he was kind of a monster, and not a good man. But also was intelligent, knew a lot of languages, and was troubled. FWIW, my grandmother left him when he shot all the animals on their farm one night in a drunken rage, and she's the definition of a quite, kind, catholic woman, so for her to leave him, it must have been bad.
But also, it sounds like he left the military and had no friends, no outlet, nothing to do but drink and stay home. Not an excuse for shit, but also it's hard to not see him as partially a victim, chewed up and spit out by military service and masculine expectations.
Reminded a bit, too, of earlier WWI works, and how a lot of what is seen today in stuff like The Lord of the Rings as "gay", was how men bonded, and were allowed to show emotion, at least to an extent, and how a lot of this hardcore 'masculine' stoicism really came around in force around the great depression years. Moby Dick is another good, earlier example of ever-changing masculinity, though of course the primary relationship there, with Queequeg, is pretty obviously gay, but overall, the book is a pretty good study of 'masculinity' in the 1850s.
I don’t think my grandfather ever came close to that. I think he was mostly a quiet guy who was too beaten down by work to ever do anything. Of course he had his anger issues but my grandma never really said anything negative about him even though she was real resilient.
I love Moby Dick for that reason. Melville explored the masculinity of his time and it provided a clear window into that time.
How fucking shitty must it have been to be born into that situation. It's not lot he had the internet or a uni to see a different side to life. If I was born into different situations, I'm sure I could have been like that.
and they did things their own way
it's weird how conservatives romantise that but also insist everyone follows very rigidly to societal norms and expectations. Also those norms are deeply toxic as no matter how much you devote to them you'll never actually get the acceptance they promise as it was always a conditional acceptance that can be taken away at a moments notice.
My granddad was a little like that, heck all the men on his side were warm, clever and funny but also prone to very sudden anger
:grillman: freedom is the freedom to demand specific expressions of that freedom to everyone else.
it was always a conditional acceptance that can be taken away at a moments notice
It's the same authoritarian hierarchy as a household ran by narcissists: everyone is supposed to strive for acceptance, in a fickle and temporary way.
The tragedy is near the end of his life he expressed regret and remorse. His life under capitalism and patriarchal norms crushed his soul. It was only around his old age and after his retirement when he started to mellow out and become something more.
I got to know a guy like that a little bit. Lonely guy, lost his wife a few years back, not many friends, family has all moved on with their lives, so he would hang around my workplace just, as far as I could tell, not to be alone. It's fascinating talking with someone who has been through so much, and been self-admittedly not a good person throughout it. He said his wife made him change.
My great-uncle was a semi-closeted gay man his entire life (it was an open secret). IIRC his partner wasn't allowed to attend his funeral.
