I can't necessarily speak for other people's experiences, but for most young men in the US sex is basically the only form of intimacy they're going to find. They absolutely want sex for its own sake, but then you have to factor in that they've been touch-starved for a fair chunk of their life even if they are lucky enough to have a stable friend group.
I've had periods of my life where I straight up went without physical contact with another person for a month or so, with no consistent form of intimacy on top of that. And speaking from experience, that will absolutely make you question your value as a human being. Our culture is hollowed out to the point of total alienation for a lot of people, and it leaves them in desperate places.
I don't think being a virgin should count you in as an incel, and I don't like the way that the term incel has kind of devoured all ranges of loneliness and sexlessness.
I don't think that sort of conflation is helpful, and overall I feel that the way culture -- particularly online -- has handled the phenomenon of inceldom has largely just made things worse, because of this shift in language that reinforces a lot of the attitudes towards sex and worth (of men specifically) that make people hate women as a means of coping with self-hatred.
I completely agree. I think that "incel" has become a catch-all from anywhere from violent misogynists to normal virgins. It's a nasty term that should just be replaced with misogynist when applicable.
But psychologically it’s very damaging to go through life knowing that you are literally worthless.
I wouldn't go nearly that far. Sex doesn't establish worth any more than money or celebrity does.
That said, there's both a strong biological and social component to sex. It feels incredibly alienating not to have a partner (or partners) particularly when you're surrounded by other people who are hooking up. Also, people get horny. Totally natural.
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I can't necessarily speak for other people's experiences, but for most young men in the US sex is basically the only form of intimacy they're going to find. They absolutely want sex for its own sake, but then you have to factor in that they've been touch-starved for a fair chunk of their life even if they are lucky enough to have a stable friend group.
I've had periods of my life where I straight up went without physical contact with another person for a month or so, with no consistent form of intimacy on top of that. And speaking from experience, that will absolutely make you question your value as a human being. Our culture is hollowed out to the point of total alienation for a lot of people, and it leaves them in desperate places.
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:this:
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I do want sex. I'm technically an incel, because I'm a virgin, but otherwise some of the comments come across as a bit incel-y and self hating.
I don't think being a virgin should count you in as an incel, and I don't like the way that the term incel has kind of devoured all ranges of loneliness and sexlessness.
I don't think that sort of conflation is helpful, and overall I feel that the way culture -- particularly online -- has handled the phenomenon of inceldom has largely just made things worse, because of this shift in language that reinforces a lot of the attitudes towards sex and worth (of men specifically) that make people hate women as a means of coping with self-hatred.
I completely agree. I think that "incel" has become a catch-all from anywhere from violent misogynists to normal virgins. It's a nasty term that should just be replaced with misogynist when applicable.
I wouldn't go nearly that far. Sex doesn't establish worth any more than money or celebrity does.
That said, there's both a strong biological and social component to sex. It feels incredibly alienating not to have a partner (or partners) particularly when you're surrounded by other people who are hooking up. Also, people get horny. Totally natural.